And 25 years later...she decides it is a good idea to lift weight!

When I was in high school and we could choose our gym class each quarter, I always choose swimming, archery or weight lifting.  I preferred doing legs over arms and that holds true 25 years later.  Sooooo.........on this fabulous journey to healthier curves, I have made the commitment to incorporate physical activity.  I know that it will help strengthen and tone my body, which will also lead to the lose of inches. 

Last night, I went to my first strength circuit training class with http://www.bariatricbootcamp.net/.  Liz Dumont is the trainer and her knowledge is amazing!  She gets it, she knows where morbidly obese people are coming from and how to help them get to where they need to and want to be.  The gym, where the class is held, has a separate section for these classes.  It allowed me to be much more comfortable on the machines, without the fit people on a machine next to me.  It allowed me to work out with people who have weight struggles and understand the daily fight to get healthier. 

I was focusing on cardio-vascular workouts, but knew I needed to eventually add in the strength training.  When I saw Liz's post about the trial class, I immediately sent her an email.  I had spoken with the women in the support group about her and they said she was fantastic.  They were not lying!

I knew, going into last night, that I was going to have my butt handed to me. 

AND, I did.  As I finished my last bicep curl (on the 10lb weight, even though I tried to convince Liz to let me do it with the 5lb weight), I became flushed and knew I was going to puke.  SO, I put the weights back, and rushed to the bathroom.  UGH, I hate throwing up!  But I felt fantastic afterwards.  Liz felt badly, I said, no need, I just became overheated.  So, I think I need to rethink my work out clothing.  Needless to say, I gave Liz my credit card and signed up for her 8 class package.  I knew if I didn't do it right then, I wouldn't do it at all.  I met some great women, supportive and encouraging.  I look forward to working out with them as we change our bodies for the better (they are all post op). My arms are feeling the most effected today.  No I am not excited about lifting, no I don't rush out the door to get to the gym, but I am going to suck it up and go!

I have also found a pool buddy.  We will meet up starting tomorrow and then go to Aqua Zumba on Saturday.  This means, my butt has to get out of my office chair at 11:10 tomorrow morning so I can meet her at the gym at 11:30.

I will be looking for a new bathing suit (with a little more support for jumping around in the pool) and I need to research some better options to wear to the circuit training classes.

Sure wish there were more options for large women....feels like there is a niche in the market that is lacking!

Elusive Poop (Warning........may be TMI for some)

Soo.....ever since my I was diagnosed with Cauda Equina Syndrome, 5 years ago, I have had a struggle with normal bowel movements. (My L5 disc herniated into my spinal canal affecting the nerves that work the bowels, bladder and affect sciatica.)

http://www.aans.org/Patient%20Information/Conditions%20and%20Treatments/Cauda%20Equina%20Syndrome.aspx

CES is rare, but of course, my body likes to do things differently!

Anyway...back to poop!  I have been ready a lot of posts about people who are having issues with constipation after the WLS surgery.  UM.....I sure don't need anymore trouble in that area.  It can be up to 7 days before I have a bowel movement and then I feel like I am birthing a baby out of my butt (or at least, what I imagine birthing a baby may feel like).

I haven't been using Miralax like I should, but I started again this morning.  I will do a cap full in the am and another in the evening.  I am hoping this gets me closer to normal.  I know as I increase my fiber and activity, the poop will come easier, but knowing people have issues after the surgery, I worry that because of my nerve issues, I will have more trouble than most.

All of this to lead into something crazy I saw in someone's post.  Now, I get it, the point of this "tool" is to help your colon get into the correct position to help with bowel movements.  I am one of those people that pay attention to the color and shape of my poop.  Yep, DISGUSTING, but a necessity.  When you retain poop, that is a bunch of toxins just hanging out in your body not to mention, the poop does weigh something, causes blotting and just plain simple discomfort.

Hold onto your socks people!  Have you heard of the Squatty Potty? http://www.squattypotty.com/

Yep, it is real.  Now, why can't you just go to the store and buy a stool to help with your stool (see what I did there?).  The Squatty Potty is a Shark Tank product.  And they want $30 for the plastic stool all because it has a cut out that allows you to push it close to the toilet stand when not in use.

I also want to know, why they use a unicorn to demonstrate the usefulness of the product.  Yep, the unicorn poops out rainbow poop and then they show children eating ice cream cones that are rainbow colored!

Okay, now that I have probably grossed out a lot of people..........You decide for yourself!  I am all about doing whatever it takes to make the poop less elusive.  So for me, it will be Miralax, increased fiber and more movement, for now anyway!

Happy pooping! (PS, I don't think I am ever going to eat soft serve swirled cones again!)

To Eat Or Not To Eat

Today hasn't been the best food day for me.  I haven't been sleeping, got home late last night and then my poor pup had something wrong with her paw so I had to play nurse at 2:30am.  (so hard when they don't have words to use).

Needless to say, even though my therapist said I am not an emotional eater, I didn't plan well today.  Didn't pack breakfast and because I had eaten out last night, I didn't have lunch to bring today. (yep, very poor excuses and yes I recognize those are just excuses!).

So, I am trying to figure out, how I can motivate myself for the food piece.  I know once I start to see or feel the weight coming off, I will be more motivated to make better choices.  I know how to do this, I just need to force myself to do it.

I have toyed around with the idea of doing 2 meal replacements with protein shakes and then a protein packed dinner.  But I am concerned I will become dependent on the shakes. The surgeon said, they try to get their patients away from shakes after the liquid and soft food phases.  Most people don't use the shakes as a true meal replacement.  One of the protein powder companies, does what they call a BOT.  Back on Track.  It is targeted towards those who have already had WLS and regained.  In the program, you do 4-5 shakes a day.  That is $132 worth of protein powder (each of their bags is about $33 and has 20 servings.  The shakes are around 100 calories per serving.  Then you do a protein packed dinner.

Let's face it, I like food.  I didn't get to be morbidly obese because I eat like a bird and crave exercise.  I am in my shell because I don't always make the right choices and I would much prefer to lay my butt on the couch, cuddle with my pup and watch a movie or read.  I know, LAZY, but that is the truth.

I didn't walk my pup this morning because of her paw (she has a sore on one of the pads).  I was too tired to go to the pool because I just know I would have drowned (okay, yes that is another excuse).  I WILL use my bike pedals when I get home for at least 30 mins.  (Stop smiling....I will, I promise).

I also haven't been logging my food, which I know is a pitfall!  I need to see what I am eating in writing. 

Tomorrow, I am going to a circuit training sample class.  I have heard great things about the woman holding the class, she used to be morbidly obese and works with a lot of the women from my surgery center.  I am hoping this gives me another option.  I know I need to do lifting and strength training, but would prefer to do it in a group setting.

Sooo......tomorrow is another day.  I am committed to making better choices, but hey 2 months since I have had any soda!

Accountability........or not

Sooo....I belong to several FB support groups.  Two of the groups are local and have several people from my surrounding area.  I have put out there that I do better when I have someone holding me accountable (more so than the idea of losing money...I know, smh).  I have responded to a few people who say they want an accountability partner, and when I tell them I am flexible with times (thankfully work for an employer who allows me to flex my schedule when needed.)  I can walk in the morning, for an hour during the day or evenings. Weekdays and weekends.  There always seems to be an excuse.  So, do you really want someone to work out with, or are you using your schedule as an excuse?

Listen, I don't enjoy working out.  I have to force myself to go.  My summer is busy (nature of my job), but I am trying to be intentional with my workouts.  That means, getting my big butt out of my office chair and going to the gym mid morning.  This is not an easy feat for me!  Once my butt hits my chair, I hate leaving the office.  I am meeting up with an old friend tonight, so that means, no morning water class for me....instead, I went on a 3 mile walk with my pup this morning.  A friend asked me to do lunch tomorrow and I said, sure, I will just go to the gym after work instead of my water class.

WLS is a journey to a healthier life.  It is not an easy out, it is not a quick fix, it is simply a tool.  If I don't make the life changes now, and commit to the changes needed now, I will NEVER be successful after the surgery.  I know this about myself.  That is why I am glad there is a waiting period for the surgery.  It gives me time to make adjustments.  I don't want to wake up from surgery and have to give up everything at once.  I know it is going to be difficult for the first 3 months, trying to get used to the new size of my stomach.  If I am not exercising regularly already, it will be even harder for me to do so.

If you could only hear the conversations I have with myself when I am deciding to go to the gym, or not.  I am pretty convincing.  I am my own worst enemy.  I will sabotage myself every chance I get.  This time has to be different, this time WILL be different.

So if you are making excuses to not work our (what ever working out means to you), just stop.  Get out of the house, walk around the block, find a friend to walk with.

Clearly, what I have been doing my entire adult life, has not worked for me.  I need to get out of my own way and seize the life I want....only one person can make it happen!

I am not sure what changed between when I would I would step out of my comfort zone as a young adult and now.  What made me stop and worry about looking silly or goofy?  For those who knew me during my camp days.......I didn't care what I "looked" like.  I tried new things, I wasn't afraid to be silly or uncomfortable.  I WILL get that Gretchen back.

Stay tuned for my next chapter, my next adventure, the improved me, the me who seeks out things that are not in my comfort zone!

Ditching starches.........UGH, my weakness!

fried "rice"

Okay.....confession time....I LOVE pasta.  Know, seriously, I could eat pasta for every meal and be a happy (even larger) woman. Warm pasta, cold pasta, pasta salad, pasta with just butter, pasta with some rich cream sauce, pasta pasta pasta! As part of the WLS journey, I have to give up starches at least 3 weeks before the surgery.  The goal is to get my liver as small as I can, so that it is easier for the surgeon to hold it up and get to my stomach for the procedure.

What's a starch loving girl to do?  Replace the starchy food in some of my favorite recipes with veggies......UGH, okay, if I have to.

So last night I was in the mood for fried rice.  Off to Trader Joe's I went.......someone had recommended I go there to buy riced cauliflower...because let's face it, I sure wasn't going to rice a head of cauliflower.

Have I mentioned, I HATE cauliflower? I don't like how it looks or tastes.  But I decided to give it a try.  I have to say, no so bad.  I could barely taste the cauliflower. I even used coconut oil in place of a vegetable oil.  I used less than a teaspoon of the oil.  You will notice that there are carrots, peas and corn in my "rice".  Yes, I know they are starchy vegetables...but a girl can only change so much at a time.  I will start with eliminating rice, breads and pasta and then move onto the starchy veggies.

I just placed an order from Hungry Root https://www.hungryroot.com/.  Here is a picture of one of the items I purchased and the nutrition value.  The carbs are higher than I would like, seeing I am trying to keep carbs under 50g a day.

So here is hoping that these options will feed my cravings.  I can add a little tofu or chicken to add more protein.  I will post some pictures once I make them!

If you have any pasta or rice replacement "hacks" let me know!

Feeling Intimidated...........

I belong to a few FB WLS groups.  For the most part, they are very helpful.......Notice I said for the most part. 

On Tuesdays(transformation Tuesdays) and Fridays(Face to Face Fridays), people post before and after pictures. For the most part, the pictures are motivational and inspiring! 

BUT, in my moments of self doubt and fear (yes, even this confident woman, has self doubt), I question if I will be as successful as they have been.  Will I have lose that much weight and inches in the same time frame.

I am trying to remember that my journey is about me and not everyone else.  I am trying to remind myself that social media is an airbrushed version of people's lives.

This journey is about getting healthy and strong.  Because I will be modifying food intake and making sure exercise is part of the journey, the end result should be healthier curves and me in a smaller shell!

I need to remember that everyone is different, our bodies will all react to the surgery and life changes differently.
I will need to make sure I am celebrating the NSV (non scale victories) as well as the SV (scale victories).  That is why I created the list on the left hand side of the blog.  These are things that I will be able to measure without getting onto a scale.  These are things that will happen as my body changes shape and size.  

I need to make sure that I am not stealing my own joy and allowing myself to lose confidence.  This time, I am being intentional about my journey.  Make positive changes one at a time.  I am incorporating good habits.  I have surrounded myself with people who will challenge me, push me and support me. 

I have decided, that to keep track of my NSVs, I will create another list that will highlight them!  I should be proud that I have been 42 days without any soda (diet or not). That is a big feat for a girl who used to drink 3-4 cans of Diet Dr. Pepper a day (more so on the weekends, but still).  It is also saving me tons of money!

Determination......if I can stop playing head games with myself!

Sooo........part of this journey is to remove bad habits and replace them with good ones.  I have always said, my word is all I have in this world!  I do my best to do what I say I will do and honor commitments I make to people. (If you have read Gretchen Rubin's book Better Than Before, you know this makes me an Obliger).

I had told one of the surgeons, that I would be at the support group on Thursday evening.  Right before I left work for the day, I was told something that was a little stressful.  The last thing I wanted to do was go to a meeting to talk about my weight, tools for pre and post surgery, or be supportive of anyone else.  I was down right grumpy!  All I wanted to do, was go home, get into my pjs, pour a glass of wine (or 3) and match a movie, while cuddling with  Maisie Moon.  BUT, I knew the surgeon would be there and I had promised her I would come.  Sooooo........instead of letting my head get the best of me, I walked Maisie, grabbed something quick to eat (but not junk food) and headed to the meeting.  I am really glad I went!  I met some great people, confirmed that the COMP program at GBMC, was the right choice for me and was proud of myself for not giving into the urge to not follow through (celebrating little victories as the come).

On Friday, I had committed to meeting with the aquatics trainer at the gym.  Part 2 of the stress occurred on Friday and again, my head was playing games with me.  I really didn't want to go.  I know part of that was a hesitation because I haven't "worked out" in a very long time.  But I left work, put on my bathing suit and hopped into the pool.  Pam kicked my butt for a full hour.  I knew when I started coming out of the pool, that my legs, sure did get a work out.  It was HARD, but I did it.  Of course, my legs were sore all weekend and now feel better (just in time to get back into the pool).

In the past, I would have talked myself out of going to the meeting and to the pool.  Just another sign, that this is it, for real this time, I am determined to make the changes I need to get healthier curves!  Just a few more months and I will be cutting alcohol and grains from my diet...........

Sooo..........I will continue to use the blog as a way to keep myself accountable.  I will make it stick this time!

I have been wanting a 2nd tattoo for a long time and I think that after I reach my goal weight, I am going to get a phoenix to represent rising from the ashes into a new life!

Not everyone will support you!

So......those of you following this blog, that are also part of my FB world or inner circle, know that I have been partaking in online dating adventures.  One of the sites I use is called BBWCupid.com.  Sometimes, it is just nice to be not have to worry about if someone will accept your body shape and size.  BUT, there is a downfall to that when you are trying to change your size.......the people who once accepted you, may no longer (and I don't just mean someone you may be in an intimate relationship with).

I had a conversation with someone I used to work with, and she was telling me, that some of her coworkers have stopped talking with her since she lost all of her weight (she is 3 years out from the surgery).  I like to believe (and I may be naive), that those around me would support the fact, I am choosing to live longer and healthier, instead of judging my process and journey.  If you think having 2/3 of your stomach removed, having to watch everything you eat for the rest of your life (because the surgery is JUST a tool I get to use on my journey), and only being able to eat 2 oz at a time is easy......I think people who have had the surgery and regained the weight or people who have had the surgery and kept the weight off would disagree.  Unlike naturally thin people, we don't have the luxury of eating whatever we want.  Our bodies will fight us every step of the way to keep every pound on our bodies.

Soooo.........I was seeing a guy, someone who works out every day, eats extremely healthy and I am pretty sure doesn't have any body fat.  Because we had been on several dates, and it seemed, we may continue to see each other, I shared with him, that I was starting the journey to lose weight and get healthy (I didn't share anything about the surgery, because we weren't at that point in our relationship.)  He became silent and asked how much I wanted to lose, I told him my target weight and for a minute, I thought he had hung up.  He likes big women.  I think he likes to be MUCH smaller than the woman he is dating.  He offered to help me work out and tone, but only if I promised not to get too thin........Well, you can imagine how the rest of the conversation went.  I won't be seeing him any longer.

This journey is about me, I welcome anyone to follow along, as long as they are supportive.  Would it be nice to have a partner there to support me, but I am just fine being single.  I love my life, love my friends and family and am enjoying life as much as possible.

Anyway.......I have been diligent about not allowing people into my circle that don't support me.......so until the right man comes along......I shall keep on keeping on!

Goals and Rewards........Celebrating the Small Victories As They Happen!

Sooo........as I have mentioned, I belong to several support groups and discussion groups for WLS.  Yesterday, I saw this goal board (pictured below) and fell in love!  I am a visual person.  I used to have a paper thermometer in my office, and for every 10 leases we received, we put another block on the thermometer until we reach 220.  (My staff decided it wasn't professional looking in my office and made me take it down).

Here is the board I saw:

I feel a crafting session coming on!  Now, I just need to think about what "rewards" I want to put on the board.  I know my 100 lbs lost reward is going to be going to Hawaii or Tahiti.

I want the reward to be something that is appropriate for the goal reached.  I don't want to lose 20 lbs and buy diamond earrings......The harder the goal is to reach, the bigger the reward....

Here are some of my ideas:

• Alex and Ani Bracelet
• Amusement Park trip (I can't wait to ride roller coasters again!)
• New camera lens.
• 60 or 90 minute massage.
• Spa weekend
• I know at some point I wan to get a tattoo symbolizing the journey
• A new flat screen tv
• king size bed.

Any ideas?  I would love to hear them!

Not just for jello shots anymore!

So, the research continues......

I stumbled upon a video blog by a woman who is not only hilarious, but filled with ideas and knowledge.  Check her out, her name is Jamie Quickert,  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCacyGDw5TcSvmGwKn5ES8dg.

I have been trying to figure out how to make the journey and choices I make as easy as possible.  Let's face it, my current MO is, if I am hungry and get home late, I make popcorn.  That is just not going to work after surgery!

Jamie shared that she uses the 2 oz "jello shot" containers.  Which is a tip she learned form someone else!  What a great idea!  I can prep on Sunday, and then all week, grab 1-2 containers for lunch and be good to go!  Funny to think that I will only be able to eat 1-2 containers at a time after the surgery (for awhile at least).  Of course, they won't be filled with Jello Shots, but they may be filled with jello! 

I have also purchased toddler utensils.  Hoping this will remind me to take small bites and chew, chew, chew!


I will be attending my first support group meeting on Thursday and looking forward to meeting everyone that is a part of the COMP family (GMBC's Comprehensive Obesity Management Program).  This is the reason I chose this program.  They support you before, during and after the surgery!  The surgeons are really committed to helping their patients succeed.

I am also starting in the pool this week......starting slow with some low impact classes and then hoping to move up to Aqua Spin!

 

Excess Skin Donation???? WHAT??

As I have mentioned before, in preparation for Gastric Sleeve Surgery, I have been doing at least 30 mins to 60 mins of reading and research everyday.  I just read a post on the page of one of the FB groups I follow, that talked about donating the excess skin you may have after surgery.  Apparently, in her area, the burn units at local hospitals will assist with the cost of the surgery, if you agree to donate the skin.  MIND BLOWN!

I am already an organ donor (which as we all know, the skin is the largest organ we have), but who knew some places would take the access skin?? Below is a link to an article that talks about why it is difficult to find some place that will take the live skin and why.  Very fascinating!

http://www.empowher.com/skin-hair-amp-nails/content/do-you-have-excess-skin-weight-loss-donate-it?page=0,0

 I continued to do some reading.....so, we know that purchasing organs is illegal, this means that legally the hospitals can not reimburse for surgery or pay for surgery.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/126643-donate-skin-after-bariatric-surgery/ 

Just goes to show you, there is a great deal of misinformation out there....and it is frightening to me that people just read one article online and take it for gospel.  We are talking about YOUR body people.  Take responsibility and KNOW what you are in for.  Surgery is serious business!

I also read somewhere that people didn't realize with the gastric sleeve, 2/3 of your stomach is removed.  How the heck do you sign authorization papers for a surgery, without understanding what is about to happen to you????????????????

Well, my head continues to spin!  Thank you for reading, blogging has helped me to keep things organized and hold myself accountable!

Now, I am off to sip on more water......64 oz is A LOT of water to consume in a 24 hour period!  Why is it is so much easier to drink 8 beers, or 8 glasses of wine or 8 Diet Dr. Peppers??????????

And the research continues.........

Today, I was reading one of the support groups I follow for Bariatric Surgery. Someone posed a question about wearing a medical alert bracelet after surgery.

My first thought.....WTF!  Something else I would have never thought about.  You know that your body is being permanently altered (I mean, 2/3 of your stomach is going to be removed, so yeah, something internally will be very different.  Part of the reason I chose the sleeve over bypass, was I didn't like the idea of a large portion of my stomach sitting in there, not attached to anything.  That means, there is an organ in my stomach, that could form cancer, and it would not be easy to detect, because they wouldn't be able to do any normal oral scopes.......

Wow, have I learned a great deal through this process!

So, I started researching medical alert bracelets for bariatric surgery patients and came across Lauren's Shope  http://blog.laurenshope.com/medical-id-jewelry-blog/do-i-need-a-gastric-sleeve-medical-id-bracelet.

This is why it is important emergency personal know you were sleeved:

"With gastric sleeve surgery, the patient’s internal anatomy is also altered, though not in the same way as a bypass patient’s. For this reason, some patients mistakenly think they do not need gastric sleeve medical ID jewelry. However, in the event of a trauma, intubation is common, and without a lighted scope, this emergency procedure could significantly damage the small stomach of a gastric sleeve patient, exacerbating the situation and requiring an easily preventable emergency repair."


My head is spinning.........AND the list of items on the "to purchase list" is growing!

Birthday Binge Waistline Bust!

Just got back from my 2nd nutritionist appointment..............

Let's say, the weigh in could have been worse, but it also could have been better! I gained 4lbs.......

I knew going into the weigh in, that the number would be higher than last month.  I took this birthday weekend as my opportunity for a last big bash!  To say I have been gluttonous the past week would be an understatement.

Too much was the theme of the weekend.....too much sun, too much food, too much wine.  There wasn't enough time with good friends or enough sleep!

But, I knew what I was doing, it was a conscious choice.  NOW it is time to get back at it.  Four weeks now without any soda, and 2 days without caffeine.  I am still struggling with the no water 30 minutes before or after eating and no drinking while eating......but I will get there.

Next BIG change will be no grains.  My spiralizer will be my new BFF.  My goal is to give up grains and starches by September 1st.  I know this will be a struggle.  There is a reason I don't buy pasta or bread!  Have I mentioned I adore pasta????




My journey this time is different, because I am focusing on my victories, not my missteps.

As Matt Nathanson Says:

This time, I'll be sailing
No more bailing boats for me
I'll be out there on the sea
Just my confidence and me
And I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
But I'll learn to get by
On little victories
This time, I'll have no fear
I'll be standing strong and tall
Turn my back towards them all
And I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
And I'll learn to get by
On the little victories
And if the world decides to catch up with me
Still little victories

Numbers Don't Lie....Unfortunately!

 I am not defined by the shape of my body and I think that most people who know me, would tell you, I am confident and secure in who I am at this moment!  That doesn't mean, I shouldn't and won't continue to strive to be the best version of me I can be!

Yesterday, I met with Keenan, the trainer at Brick Bodies, to discuss goals and current measurements.  That was FUN.....um okay, it really sucked!  I know what I look like, when I see myself in the mirror, but damn, it really sucked looking at the reality of what my measurements were!

It only reminds me of the long road/journey I have ahead of me to get those numbers MUCH lower so that my curves are healthy curves!  For people who are naturally thin, and never had to struggle with their weight, I know it is hard to understand the daily battle I face.  Listen, I didn't get this way because I hate food.  I got this way because of complacency, because I adore food and would rather catch a film with a friend, then head to the gym and sweat!

So, that means, my head and I have some long discussions ahead.  It can be ugly up there.......but I'm not afraid.  I KNOW I can do this!  I have had success with the weight loss journey before, and this time, I will have a pretty awesome tool on my side.

This also means, there may be changes in my social group. I will no longer be able to have people around me that try and sabotage my journey.  I am lucky because I have an amazing family and great group of friends.  I am already picky about who I let into my day to day life. (and if you are ready this...you are getting a glimpse into who I am!)  This blog is a way for me to hold myself accountable.  I know I will have cheerleaders along the way, friends who can't wait to go clothes shopping with me, friends who can't wait to go zip lining or para sailing, friends who will challenge me, call me out when I am making excuses.  Those are the people who I will keep around.

I am looking forward to being able to see those nasty numbers change for the better.