Back to life, Back to reality.......

I had such a great weekend visiting family and good friends.  I was able to connect with two girlfriends from high school, which is always a good time!  I also connected with two women I worked with at a girl scout camp 23 years ago! Such a great weekend!  But now it is time to get back to the grind!  My goal is to lose 20 lbs by October.

I definitely did not follow my plan while I was away.  I ate lots of great food, but most of it was not good for my body.  At least I started each day with a protein shake!  I definitely feel bloated and more lethargic than I had been feeling.  But, I only have me to blame. There is a reason I didn't weigh myself this morning.

My parents were extremely supportive and on the first night home, dad asked if him drinking a soda would bother me.  Then another night, mom asked if it would bother me if she put out Italian bread for dad.  Have I mentioned, I have the most amazing parents??

So I won't beat myself up for my choices the past few days, I will just get back to my routine and hard work to make some real life changes!  So even though my swimming pal won't be there tonight, this big girl is headed to the pool for Aqua Boot Camp...This time of year is busy at work, and I usually use that as an excuse to not eat healthy and not exercise.  This year, IS going to be different.  I have to make the right choices.  So that means, figuring out how to get to strength training at least 2 times a week and in the pool 3 times a week.  That leaves to "rest" days.  On the rest days, I still plan to do something intentional. I also have to start walking buildings/apartments at work, so that will get my steps in daily.  I have to inspect 144 apartments in 33 buildings.  I also use this time to make sure the storage spaces and mechanical rooms are up to my standards.

So.....please feel free to ask me tomorrow if I went to the pool tonight.  I need the accountability!

Ponderings........

So last night, I got home from decorating cupcakes......

They look good don't they? Don't worry....I didn't eat one......no, I promise, I didn't...they are sitting on my desk because I knew if I had them in my house, I would eat them.  And not just one, all 4 of them.  So I figured my staff could have a little treat.,

Anyway, when I got home, I swear I heard my couch calling my name.  It was telling me how much it missed me.  You don't realize how much TV you watch, while laying on the couch, until you look at your DVR after a week of not being home in the evenings to watch your recorded shows.

Now when I get home, I take care of my pup's needs, make sure I eat something and drink more water, and usually climb into bed and fall asleep reading.  I feel like I am breaking up with my TV......sorry old friend!  I will say I have been sleeping a little better.

People keep saying, don't worry, it gets better, it gets easier, you will start to crave it.  Okay, but you know the song I'm A Believer that Neil Diamond wrote and the Monkees recorded??  Well, guess what, I am NOT a believer......that doesn't mean I won't be at some point, but what I want people to remember is, I am just starting the physical piece of this journey.  The most I have pushed myself, before now, is walking 5 miles at once (except when I climbed the Blarney Castle, that was a bitch!).  

Don't get me wrong, I am so appreciative of the support, recommendations, etc. I will continue to push myself as much as I can, but I also know I have limits and need to listen to my body.  I will learn the difference between my body feeling the results of a work out and my body telling me I went too far.  

By the way....those cupcakes I mentioned, they are calling me, but I am ignoring them!  That is the challenge for me...not justifying eating the bad food just because I burned some calories..........

If my head would stop playing games with me......I would be good to go!

Off to drink a protein shake!

And 25 years later...she decides it is a good idea to lift weight!

When I was in high school and we could choose our gym class each quarter, I always choose swimming, archery or weight lifting.  I preferred doing legs over arms and that holds true 25 years later.  Sooooo.........on this fabulous journey to healthier curves, I have made the commitment to incorporate physical activity.  I know that it will help strengthen and tone my body, which will also lead to the lose of inches. 

Last night, I went to my first strength circuit training class with http://www.bariatricbootcamp.net/.  Liz Dumont is the trainer and her knowledge is amazing!  She gets it, she knows where morbidly obese people are coming from and how to help them get to where they need to and want to be.  The gym, where the class is held, has a separate section for these classes.  It allowed me to be much more comfortable on the machines, without the fit people on a machine next to me.  It allowed me to work out with people who have weight struggles and understand the daily fight to get healthier. 

I was focusing on cardio-vascular workouts, but knew I needed to eventually add in the strength training.  When I saw Liz's post about the trial class, I immediately sent her an email.  I had spoken with the women in the support group about her and they said she was fantastic.  They were not lying!

I knew, going into last night, that I was going to have my butt handed to me. 

AND, I did.  As I finished my last bicep curl (on the 10lb weight, even though I tried to convince Liz to let me do it with the 5lb weight), I became flushed and knew I was going to puke.  SO, I put the weights back, and rushed to the bathroom.  UGH, I hate throwing up!  But I felt fantastic afterwards.  Liz felt badly, I said, no need, I just became overheated.  So, I think I need to rethink my work out clothing.  Needless to say, I gave Liz my credit card and signed up for her 8 class package.  I knew if I didn't do it right then, I wouldn't do it at all.  I met some great women, supportive and encouraging.  I look forward to working out with them as we change our bodies for the better (they are all post op). My arms are feeling the most effected today.  No I am not excited about lifting, no I don't rush out the door to get to the gym, but I am going to suck it up and go!

I have also found a pool buddy.  We will meet up starting tomorrow and then go to Aqua Zumba on Saturday.  This means, my butt has to get out of my office chair at 11:10 tomorrow morning so I can meet her at the gym at 11:30.

I will be looking for a new bathing suit (with a little more support for jumping around in the pool) and I need to research some better options to wear to the circuit training classes.

Sure wish there were more options for large women....feels like there is a niche in the market that is lacking!

Feeling Intimidated...........

I belong to a few FB WLS groups.  For the most part, they are very helpful.......Notice I said for the most part. 

On Tuesdays(transformation Tuesdays) and Fridays(Face to Face Fridays), people post before and after pictures. For the most part, the pictures are motivational and inspiring! 

BUT, in my moments of self doubt and fear (yes, even this confident woman, has self doubt), I question if I will be as successful as they have been.  Will I have lose that much weight and inches in the same time frame.

I am trying to remember that my journey is about me and not everyone else.  I am trying to remind myself that social media is an airbrushed version of people's lives.

This journey is about getting healthy and strong.  Because I will be modifying food intake and making sure exercise is part of the journey, the end result should be healthier curves and me in a smaller shell!

I need to remember that everyone is different, our bodies will all react to the surgery and life changes differently.
I will need to make sure I am celebrating the NSV (non scale victories) as well as the SV (scale victories).  That is why I created the list on the left hand side of the blog.  These are things that I will be able to measure without getting onto a scale.  These are things that will happen as my body changes shape and size.  

I need to make sure that I am not stealing my own joy and allowing myself to lose confidence.  This time, I am being intentional about my journey.  Make positive changes one at a time.  I am incorporating good habits.  I have surrounded myself with people who will challenge me, push me and support me. 

I have decided, that to keep track of my NSVs, I will create another list that will highlight them!  I should be proud that I have been 42 days without any soda (diet or not). That is a big feat for a girl who used to drink 3-4 cans of Diet Dr. Pepper a day (more so on the weekends, but still).  It is also saving me tons of money!

Determination......if I can stop playing head games with myself!

Sooo........part of this journey is to remove bad habits and replace them with good ones.  I have always said, my word is all I have in this world!  I do my best to do what I say I will do and honor commitments I make to people. (If you have read Gretchen Rubin's book Better Than Before, you know this makes me an Obliger).

I had told one of the surgeons, that I would be at the support group on Thursday evening.  Right before I left work for the day, I was told something that was a little stressful.  The last thing I wanted to do was go to a meeting to talk about my weight, tools for pre and post surgery, or be supportive of anyone else.  I was down right grumpy!  All I wanted to do, was go home, get into my pjs, pour a glass of wine (or 3) and match a movie, while cuddling with  Maisie Moon.  BUT, I knew the surgeon would be there and I had promised her I would come.  Sooooo........instead of letting my head get the best of me, I walked Maisie, grabbed something quick to eat (but not junk food) and headed to the meeting.  I am really glad I went!  I met some great people, confirmed that the COMP program at GBMC, was the right choice for me and was proud of myself for not giving into the urge to not follow through (celebrating little victories as the come).

On Friday, I had committed to meeting with the aquatics trainer at the gym.  Part 2 of the stress occurred on Friday and again, my head was playing games with me.  I really didn't want to go.  I know part of that was a hesitation because I haven't "worked out" in a very long time.  But I left work, put on my bathing suit and hopped into the pool.  Pam kicked my butt for a full hour.  I knew when I started coming out of the pool, that my legs, sure did get a work out.  It was HARD, but I did it.  Of course, my legs were sore all weekend and now feel better (just in time to get back into the pool).

In the past, I would have talked myself out of going to the meeting and to the pool.  Just another sign, that this is it, for real this time, I am determined to make the changes I need to get healthier curves!  Just a few more months and I will be cutting alcohol and grains from my diet...........

Sooo..........I will continue to use the blog as a way to keep myself accountable.  I will make it stick this time!

I have been wanting a 2nd tattoo for a long time and I think that after I reach my goal weight, I am going to get a phoenix to represent rising from the ashes into a new life!

Not just for jello shots anymore!

So, the research continues......

I stumbled upon a video blog by a woman who is not only hilarious, but filled with ideas and knowledge.  Check her out, her name is Jamie Quickert,  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCacyGDw5TcSvmGwKn5ES8dg.

I have been trying to figure out how to make the journey and choices I make as easy as possible.  Let's face it, my current MO is, if I am hungry and get home late, I make popcorn.  That is just not going to work after surgery!

Jamie shared that she uses the 2 oz "jello shot" containers.  Which is a tip she learned form someone else!  What a great idea!  I can prep on Sunday, and then all week, grab 1-2 containers for lunch and be good to go!  Funny to think that I will only be able to eat 1-2 containers at a time after the surgery (for awhile at least).  Of course, they won't be filled with Jello Shots, but they may be filled with jello! 

I have also purchased toddler utensils.  Hoping this will remind me to take small bites and chew, chew, chew!


I will be attending my first support group meeting on Thursday and looking forward to meeting everyone that is a part of the COMP family (GMBC's Comprehensive Obesity Management Program).  This is the reason I chose this program.  They support you before, during and after the surgery!  The surgeons are really committed to helping their patients succeed.

I am also starting in the pool this week......starting slow with some low impact classes and then hoping to move up to Aqua Spin!

 

No More Excuses!

Okay...clearly the focus of my journey is my weight.  That is why they call it weight loss surgery!  BUT, I am doing the weight loss surgery as a focus on my health.

So it is time to stop saying, I am a big girl, I surely can't go to the gym.  That that is just plan bullshit!

Yesterday I met with the membership coordinator at Brickbodies.  I signed up for the WaterWorxs/First Step Program, that was recommended by my surgeon.  I will meet once with a personal trainer to set goals and do an assessment, then I will meet with someone that works with the pool.

I have decided to start slow, doing something to get myself motivated.  The goal is to make working out a habit way before the surgery.  I have also decided to not force myself to do the exercises that I know I won't follow through with.  I am going to focus on the pool, strengthening, becoming more flexible and as the weight begins to come off, I will expand to other areas of the gym.

I have had so many people give me advice on what I have to be doing to lose weight, building muscles and improve my cardiovascular system.  I simply say, thank you and move on.  Nobody knows my body, except for me!  Nobody knows my limitations, except for me! I also know that when I am motivated, I can push myself to do almost anything. 

As I continue down this path to surgery day, it becomes more and more clear, who I need to keep in my circle and who needs to removed from my circle.  When you are fighting for your life (because let's face it, when you are morbidly obese, you are killing yourself), you need cheerleaders!  You need people who will let you cry and work through the inevitable emotions and you need people who will call you on your crap!  I am lucky to have those people in my world!