Love my GYN

Had my annual with my GYN today.  I LOVE her.  It is one of the reasons, I have not jumped at opportunities to move way from the area. Good doctors are not easy to find and I have been very lucky since I moved to MD.

So my big question for her today was......what am I going to do about birth control seeing I have been off now for 2 weeks AND have to be off for 4 weeks after surgery.  Condoms are not 100% and let's face it, abstinence doesn't sound so fun either. (sorry mom and dad). She also said, silly surgeons, don't they understand a female cycle is 4 weeks, not 6.  You can't be off your pills for 6 weeks, it would need to be 4 or 8.  Seriously, she is so real and fantastic!

This woman doesn't want a baby....so we talked about options.  She highly recommend an IUD.  She actually wanted to insert one today.  Then she decided to let me get through Friday first and then if the bleeding is crazy, to call her.  She was thrilled I am doing the surgery and said GBMC's program is the best, in her opinion.  Of course, she is good friends with Dr. Dovec.

I love the idea that I wouldn't have a period for 5 years, BUT have heard nightmare stories about the IUD.  I will just wait it out and see what happens with my cycle. 

When I was leaving she said "You are ovulating so no sex for you okay?  I said, don't worry, as of tomorrow, I will be with my parents through the end of December."  She laughed. 

So.....just one more big decision to make about my body over the next couple of weeks.



3 days.........

Liquid in, liquid out is NO joke!

So, I have started my self inflicted clear liquid diet.  I did it, because I wasn't perfect the past 3 weeks with my no starches.  I feel really guilty about it and worried my liver won't be small enough.........

I started on Saturday, but did have a protein packed late lunch.  But, I have had nothing but Atkins Lift water, broth and jello since!

I used to love soups. I am pretty sure, after the liquid phases of this process, I may never eat soup again. 

I intentionally decided to work from home on Wednesday and Thursday, knowing that I would need to have the bathroom as close as possible.  That was when I thought I was just going to do the 2 days of clears.  Let's just say........I had to go home to change today.  Yep, liquid in, liquid out!  GROSS, but a part of the process.  No wonder people the people from other programs, who have much longer liquid diet requirements, drop so much what prior to surgery.  I have lost 1 lb since yesterday morning.  

I am looking forward to my mom and dad getting here on Wednesday.  My mom has definitely kicked into care taker mode already.  When I told her I was wavering with my decision, wondering what the hell I was about to do to my body, she said, " You will continue to have the moments, and that's okay." I know she will make sure I am walking, drinking water, getting in protein, and resting. 

Through this clear liquid process, I have learned that the college Gretchen was crazy!  How the heck did I do jello shots....jello is disgusting!  But, I will suck it up and force it down to make sure I am getting in enough fluids.  But, seriously, YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So much to do for work before the end of business tomorrow.  I can't believe how these 2 months have flown by!




4 days!

WTF am I about to do to my body?????

The past few days, thoughts of my surgery have been occupying my mind. I have had dreams of Dr. Bello and Dr. Dovec doing a flash mob, through the OR, on the day of my procedure. I have been fighting head hunger and mourning my old lifestyle.  Worrying about what friends will stick with me through the journey and who I will lose.

I have found myself questioning, what the heck I am doing to myself.  Is this worth it, am I strong enough to make the right choices, am I really okay with no alcohol or carbonation for a year?

Then, my mind says, stop it!  You have been preparing for this moment for 6 months.  You love yourself more than you love food.  I can do this.  I will do this. I WANT to do this!  I am looking forward to my second chance at life.  For the opportunity to retrain my hunger cues, to reset my metabolism and to not screw it up again!

My whole life has involved celebrating around food and drink.  That is a hard habit to break.  I am reading lots of people posting about how to cheat on Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It is just a meal.  Is Christmas going to be difficult for me this year?  YEP, I will just be on the soft food phase.  My family usually does lasagna, not sure what will be on the menu this year, BUT I know that my family will encourage and support me.

Hoping my doubt and fear subside soon....I know this is the right path for me and I am really excited to start the next phase of the journey.  I just need my head to get out of my way!

10 days!

Head Hunger is no joke!

So.....I have been doing no starches......that isn't a big deal, seeing I have been eating very few starches since April.  BUT, I am now doing 2 shakes (1 for breakfast and 1 for lunch) and then a protein packed dinner, with low carb veggies.  My head is trying to tell my stomach it is hungry.  I know it isn't.  I know it is all in my head because I am feeling deprived right now.  This is the first time on this journey I have felt like I was on a "diet".  This is self inflicted.  My plan calls for no starch for 3 weeks and then only 2 days on clear liquids.  I am so afraid my liver won't be small enough that I am trying to maximize these final days. 

Sunday, I will be starting 5 days of clear liquids.  Again, self inflicted.  Dr. Bello recommended 5 days, so I am going to tough it out and do it.  Thankfully, I will be working from home for part of that week.  Lots of jello, lots of popsicles and lots of broth.........Can't wait for the soft food stage!

I got this......my head has never been in this place before.  I am embracing the 2nd chance at life I am about to get.  I will take the reset, learn my new hunger cues and choose to love myself more than food.  I will remember I will be eating to live.  It is going to be difficult, but I know I can do it.

11 days to go!

Cha-Cha-Changes

I can't believe the countdown is at 16 days already!  Crazy!

I have started my no starch diet.......and I feel better already and it has only been a few days.

Friday will be my last Dunkin Iced Coffee until May.

Monday, I start on liquids only.....except, I will indulge a little on Thanksgiving!  So lots of soup, lots of jello, lots of Popsicles,  and lots of protein shakes.

On the 26th, I will start clear liquids.  I am only required to do 48 hours of clear, but my surgeon recommend at least 5 days.

I start working from home on the 30th and then that is also the day my parents will arrive.  AND it is the last circuit training class before surgery.  I am looking forward to having my measurements done on the 30th, so when I get back to the gym in January, I can see how many inches I have lost.

I only have 5 more nights of circuit training and 3 more opportunities to get my butt back in the pool.

I am down another 6 pounds and yesterday, I got the best compliment.  My friend hugged me and said, you are feeling smaller!  It is the little moments you have to hold onto, especially when you are not seeing a change in the mirror.

Last night, my girlfriend was talking to her colleagues and sent them a picture of us from last night.  They said, I looked great and then one of them told her she felt guilty for eating an Oreo cookie. She then said she was creating a hashtag #loseitlikeGretchen.  I love it!

 I have a business trip at the end of January and I am hoping, I won't need the seat belt extender for the flight.  I may end up crying if that happens! 

I am going to work on a goal board when my mom gets here.  She is crafty and good with stuff like that.  Although losing the weight and inches will be motivation, I am looking forward to rewarding myself with little things along the way.

Pretty soon, I will be posting, saying I will see you on the other side when I make it to the loser's bench!

Support versus Enabling

I belong to several Facebook support groups for WLS.  I have to say, I think that number is going to decrease.  I think that people join these groups so someone can say, oh it's okay that you aren't following the plan, hey don't beat yourself up because your surgery didn't work. 

JUST STOP IT!  It is not okay at 3 months to be eating chips and bread.  It is not okay at 3 months to eat without measuring your food.  You have to measure, so you can learn what 3 oz looks like.  Let's face it people.  I didn't get to be morbidly obese because I ate like a naturally thin person!

 It is one thing to say, hey you fell off the wagon, wipe off the dirt and climb back on.  But that is not what I am reading in these groups.  I am not sure if it is because my surgery center is AMAZING, and I took the 6 month prep seriously and others did not have a surgery group that was dedicated to their patient's entire journey, but the crap I continue to see is frustrating.  I have said it before, but it is because people choose not to stick to the plan, that gives WLS a bad rap.

Guess what, we ruined our metabolism and hunger signals once.  WLS is our 2nd chance at life.  It is a reset.  Our last chance to treat our bodies right.  I am not naive to think I will NEVER eat the foods I love again.  BUT I need to be strong enough, and love myself enough to not eat them until after I am maintaining. 

If we put chips, pizza, delicious warm bread (okay, clearly that is my weakness) into our new stomachs, of course we will still feel hungry, these are slider foods.  They are not going to sustain us.  We are supposed to eat lean protein, then non-starchy veggies and then fruits or starchy veggies IF we are still hungry.  Let's face it, we didn't do a great job prior to surgery listening to our hunger ques. 

I am sure I will stumble, but I don't want or NEED a group of people telling me my behavior is okay.  I need people to tell me to get real and knock it off.  If the journey was easy, wouldn't everyone take it?  I sort of wish that there was ongoing counseling through the approval process.  I really believe most people don't make the changes necessary to be successful.  You don't wake up from surgery with your head changed, just your stomach.

Okay.......enough ranting!

25 days........

Wow.......only 25 days until I am headed to the hospital to give myself a 2nd chance at life!

Time is flying and I am just ready to stop preparing and start the next part of the journey.

I have everything purchased, except the protein water.  Just haven't decided if I am going to do Isopure or Atkins Lift.

I had my pre-op physical today, and Dr. Dow has approved me for surgery.  My blood pressure was a little high today, but she thinks it may be because I had just finished my iced coffee.  She isn't concerned about it being a problem for surgery.  My EKG was great.  She is still waiting for my blood work to come back, but she doesn't think it will show anything.

I won't see her for another 3 months and I am hoping at that time, I will be able to be weighed on her office scale.  I warned her, if that happens, I will CRY! That will be such a huge milestone.

I did learn today that vitamin E could cause your blood to thin, so she told me to stop taking any multi-vitamins just to be safe.  This entire journey has been an education!

I am getting nervous about stopping my birth control pill, not because of pregnancy risk, but because it helps to regulate my cycle, which is a hot mess without it.  I know that it is important because of the risk of blood clots and the fact that my hormones are going to need time to adjust after the surgery.  Thankfully, I have an appointment with my gyn before the surgery.  Hopefully she will have a suggestion for me.

So....here is to another 25 days of waiting.  That also means I have 7 more nights of strength training and 8 more aqua bootcamp classes.......UGH!  It is getting real!

All systems are a go to less of Gretchen

Well....it's official, my surgery has been approved by BCBS of Alabama!  I called insurance, just to see if COMP has submitted my paperwork.  I know how busy the office is, so I didn't want to bother them, but I was curious.  I didn't expect insurance to say it was already approved, but that was an excellent surprise!

So............this time, 29 days from today, I will be on the loser's bench.......

Holy crap..........29 days!

The effect of weightloss surgery on relationships

I came across an article today that indicates, weight loss surgery may not be great for marriages and families. 

 http://www.personalmedicare.com/bariatric-surgery-may-harm-marital-and-family-relationships/

This is what I have to say about that.....of course it can.  Everything we choose to do in life has the potential to impact our relationships negatively.  But here is a novel idea...communicate with those you love about what is happening.  We are human, so there are always going to be insecurities.

Will my partner still want me when they are in a smaller shell.  Will the attention, they may get from others, make them want to stray.  Will I still be attracted to my partner after they lose the weight.  How is our dynamic going to change.

I have seen opposing posts in the online support groups I follow.  Some say, their relationship has been ruined and others say, it has just become much stronger.  I think it depends on the status of your relationship before you have the surgery.

I have had to re-evaluate some of my friendships and realize, the only thing we had in common was food and alcohol.  Well, that isn't going to work for me any longer. I have friends who have already hinted that they are jealous I will be smaller than I am now.  Guess what, I am not going to be the jovial fat friend anymore.  I will just be the jovial friend who now is in a different shell.

My life changes, helped to push my dad to stop smoking.....so why can't we find the positive in the changes we choose to make ourselves healthier?

Relationships shouldn't be stagnant.  They should grow and change as people grow and change.  Someone who loves you, should want you to be around as long as possible.  They should want you to be the vest version of you, that you can be.

I say, kick those people, who aren't on board with your new life, to the curb!

jumping off my soapbox now