Random musings......

Soo......a few things have happened the past few days that have been mulling around in my head.

1. Went to Weber's Farm and was so proud of myself because normally I walk away with cider donuts and pumpkin roll.  Well....I walked away with fresh peaches and honey crisps apples.  I also bought a small container of cider because I know I won't be able to have any the rest of the season.  Oh...and in full disclosure, I had a 16oz peach slush......
2. I realized that I tend to have major medical procedures in the Fall.
1. Miscarried on 9.9.02
2. Had a DNC in September 2005
3. Had a DNC in October 2009
4. Had emergency spinal surgery on 9.9.11
5. Expecting to have WLS in October 2016.
3. Fall is my favorite my favorite season.  I love apple picking, cider (warm and cold) hayrides, corn mazes, the crisp air, leaves changing, etc.  Why is it I have so many medical events in the Fall?
4. You just never know who is going to be supportive of your surgery and who isn't.   

Someone I thought was going to be very supportive, told me that she thinks the surgery is a crutch.  My response was, well I am sorry you define the tool I am choosing to regain control over my life as a crutch, but I have worked really hard at changing my relationship with food, incorporating exercise into my daily life and getting my head straight in order to be successful with the tool.  She said, a tool is something you don't need, but it is just helpful to have.  I said, well actually a carpenter can not build without a hammer, a surgeon needs a scalpel or laser to cut, a baseball player needs a bat and ball to do his job, those are all tools of the trade.  Someone with HIV or diabetes needs the medicine they take to continue living life day to day.  Could they do without the tools...sure, but will they be successful without them?  We ended the conversation with agreeing to disagree.  I will never be able to convince people like her that WLS is not an easy option.  She understands it is life altering, literally changing your anatomy, but doesn't seem to grasp why people choose it.  I am a 43 year old woman who has struggled with morbid obesity since I was 15.  I have damaged my metabolism and need the tool to help save my life.



On the other hand, I started talking with a guy from BBWCUPID.com, last September.  We have chatted on and off over the past year and reconnected this past weekend.  I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to tell him about the surgery.  We did meet on a website where the men are looking for larger women.  I didn't want him to invest any time, if in a few months, he wasn't going to be attracted to me.  He, was supportive.  Said, the attraction started because of my size, but he has gotten to know me over the past year and a shell is a shell.  What, a mature guy?  Someone who admits physical attraction is important, but so is being attracted to the person inside the shell?

Anyway......been a weekend of thinking.  As my final appointment approaches, my nerves are starting to increase.  There are times I wish I had made this decision while I was in my 30's, but I also know that I wasn't ready.  Every change I made to my lifestyle felt forced.  Now, I don't feel like I am dieting, I feel like I am choosing to be healthier.  I have said it before, and will say it again.......I am more than happy to have as many people as possible on this ride with me, BUT you have to be supportive.  Honesty is fine, but judgement is not accepted.

Thanks for reading my ramblings!