I fell off the wagon and need to get back on!

Something has happened to my motivation.  I am not sure if it is the fact that my final pre-surgery appointment is quickly approaching and my nerves have kicked into gear or if it is just me allowing hurdles in my life to be a crutch to welcome old habits back into my daily routine.

I committed to giving up starches and alcohol as of September 1st....I have not been successful in doing so!  As a matter of fact, I have had more starch in my diet for the past 2 weeks, than I have since I started this journey in April. I never knew how disgusting processed carbs made my body feel, until I went without them. It all started when I allowed myself to indulge in a delicious soft pretzel.  If you didn't believe that people can have trigger foods before you started reading my blog.....please believe it now!  I love soft pretzels, seriously LOVE them.  They are a comfort food for me.  They remind me of summer days at the ballpark with my best friend.  The remind me of my West Coast home.  And, of course, they are just down right amazing!

Now....don't get me wrong, I have still made some very good decisions.  I have mentioned Fall is my favorite season.  One of my Fall traditions is going to Weber's Farm.  When I would go to Weber's, I would inevitably buy a pumpkin roll.  Yep, an entire pumpkin roll.......and then proceed to eat it in 2 days, with no assistance from anyone else.  Darn you pumpkin.......you are one of my kryptonites! (I have found a solution to fulfill that craving....more later).  When I was hanging out with friends this weekend, they wanted Royal Farms fried chicken.....I know what you are thinking, she must have given in....how can one say no to Royal Farms friend chicken??  Nope, I had 2 boiled eyes and a diet iced tea instead.  So, I am happy to know that I haven't given up completely.  That my choices are more often than not, good ones.  I am also recognizing, more easily, what my pitfalls are and trying to correct them immediately. 

So how am I going to proceed?  I am going to kick myself into gear, tell myself to knock it off and remember the goal.  This is not a diet, every piece of food I put in my mouth is MY choice.  I don't have to take a piece of bread from the bread basket.  I can stay away from the bakery at Wegmans or Weber's Farm.  I can not step foot into the Amish Market so I am not tempted by those devilish pretzels!  I can remember how my body feels when I get my butt to the gym at least 4 times a week. (I did notice a huge difference when I parked at the far end of the parking lot and wasn't winded walking to the store.)  I can remember that the more I change now, the more focused I am on my health now, the easier it will be after surgery.  The safer my surgery will be.  I can get up the 8th time....and do my best not to fall again, and if I do fall.....I will just climb onto a new wagon, because clearly the last wagon wasn't the right one for me!

I have to remember it is okay to be selfish right now.  To focus on me.  I know my true friends and my family will understand that if I don't take care of me now.....their time with me will be shortened.  I have many adventures yet to have......I can't have them if I am dead  and if I remain morbidly obese, that is where I am headed........

So Gretchen Ann, knock it off!  Climb onto the new wagon and know that you have support to help steer you in the right direction!