You can not stretch your stomach after surgery!

Okay......I just want people to stop saying they have stretched out their new stomachs.  It is not stretched, you have just hit a place where your hunger signals are coming back and the capacity in your stomach is not up to 1 1/2 cups where as someone who has not had surgery usually can hold 4-6 cups of food in their stomach.

Here is a good video explaining why bariatric surgery helps people lose weight.

https://youtu.be/Vz8eOWCxKcg

I found it fascinating that when you are put under anethesia for the surgery, your body knows it's current normal weight is the weight you are at, so it fights to stay there.  BUT when you wake up, your body automatically adjusts to what it believes the new normal should be and increases its metabolism and decreases your hunger cues.  Isn't the human body amazing?? 

I know I have mentioned it before.....BUT as the doctor in the video mentioned.....as your body gets closer to it's new normal, your hunger cues will come back.  It is up to us to make sure we don't wait too long between meals to eat or we risk over eating and skewing the hunger cues again.  If we take the first 12-18 months to really listen to our body, to really change the relationship with have with food, to get our arses to the gym (or do some type of exercise daily), then after the honeymoon period, we should still be successful.

Sooo........I will remember the words from the video, lean on my new gastric surgery friends and I will be successful!

In 8 days I should now when I will join the losers bench!

 

What if I can't do this?

OMG........I have my final appointment with the surgeon in 10 Days........10 Days!!!!!!!

Right now, I am filled with excitement, doubts and fear.  I have been seeing some pictures of friends that have had the surgery, and for whatever reason, the appear to be struggling with regain.  What makes me stronger than they are? My entire life (earliest diet I remember was at 13), I have struggled with this demon.

Yes, I have worked really hard over the past 6 months to make positive life style changes.  Yes, I still struggle to make the right decisions, but tend to choose correctly 90% of the time.  But what if........

My dad says.....you have 2 options:  1) You succeed, you change your life for the better and we all get to have you around longer  OR 2) I fly to Baltimore and kick your ass.

I shared with my mom that I think the nerves are coming from just being ready to be over this hump and get my new life started.......

PCP 6 month follow up

I had my regular 6 month appointment with my PCP today.  This is the first time I have seen her since my decision to have WLS.  She has been my PCP for 5 years now and she has watched me lose and regain the same 70 lbs during that time.  Today was to focus on my A1C1.  Great news!  My A1C1 is 5.5!  A normal A1C1 level is below 5.7.

I am currently not even pre-diabetic! Shhhh.....don't tell my doctor, but I haven't been the best at talking all of my metformin.  What does that mean?  It means, my body is regulating my glucose levels without much assistance from medication!  She has now lowered my dosage by 500mg.

My blood pressure was also excellent.  Now the next number to get closer to "normal" is my BMI.
My current BMI is 64.  I need to be below a BMI of 30 to no longer be obese.Your BMI is determined by your height and your weight.  The charts show that a normal weight for me would be between 117lbs and 154lbs.  Right now, my goal weight is 180lbs.  That is a self imposed goal weight, not one that Dr. Bello has given me.


This is the first time in 5 years, I have left the dr.'s office and she seemed thrilled with my progress.  She even pre-scheduled a pre-op physical to ensure I can get on her schedule.

She completed the PCP letter of support and it was faxed over to COMP!  One more hurdle down.

The last hurdle is getting the written approval by insurance.  I can't believe the journey to the losers bench is almost at an end.  These past 6 months have flown by.  I did find out today, that most likely my surgery will be scheduled 4-5 weeks from the final appointment.  So that means the first or 2nd week in November.  My mom said, the surgery is going to happen exactly at the time it is supposed to happen........I am just feeling anxious and impatient to get the next phase of my life started.  I have decided to make myself a present for when I do have the surgery.  I will be making an expandable bracelet that has a little bench for a charm.  It will remind me, daily, that I have made a very big step to changing my life forever.  I am committing to working towards no longer being obese.  Normally, people would say the end is in sight.  I am going to say, the beginning is in sight!

Let's talk about non-scale victories!

My scale hasn't really moved the way I want it to....so I decided it is time to focus on the non-scale victories.

I noticed a few things over the weekend, that made me pause and think......damn, your body really is changing!  I feel different when I move, when sitting in chairs, and while driving......it is the little things we take for granted or don't pay attention to, that really matter!

So here are some specifics:

1. I used to have to completely contort my body to buckle my seat belt.   Now, I just pull the seat belt across my chest and snap it into place, no twisting and turning!
2. I had to readjust my car seat so I could see out of the mirrors, guess my rump is getting smaller.
3. I have always DREADED sitting in a chair with arms.  On Friday night, I went out with a friend and was able to fit comfortably in the chair.
4. On Saturday, I was taking pictures at a party for a 1 year old.  In case you didn't notice, they are not very tall!  So in order for me to get some good shots of her, at her level, I had to squat.  To my surprise, I was able to squat and stay in that position for more than 3 secs.  6 months ago, I would have tumbled over.  This means my core is strengthening!
5. When I put on a fitted tank top yesterday, I looked in the mirror and thought....wow, I really am getting a waist!  AND my boobs look higher (thank you chest presses).
6. I was also able to latch my bra on the next smallest hook placement.

We get so hung up on the number on the scale, we forget that our body is giving us other clues that good things are happening.  I have said from the beginning, I want healthier curves and my goal isn't to be skinny!  Well, now I am 17 days away from my final appointment with Dr. Bello........So that means I am about a month out from surgery.  I have a lot of work to do before then (in and out of the gym)!

I fell off the wagon and need to get back on!

Something has happened to my motivation.  I am not sure if it is the fact that my final pre-surgery appointment is quickly approaching and my nerves have kicked into gear or if it is just me allowing hurdles in my life to be a crutch to welcome old habits back into my daily routine.

I committed to giving up starches and alcohol as of September 1st....I have not been successful in doing so!  As a matter of fact, I have had more starch in my diet for the past 2 weeks, than I have since I started this journey in April. I never knew how disgusting processed carbs made my body feel, until I went without them. It all started when I allowed myself to indulge in a delicious soft pretzel.  If you didn't believe that people can have trigger foods before you started reading my blog.....please believe it now!  I love soft pretzels, seriously LOVE them.  They are a comfort food for me.  They remind me of summer days at the ballpark with my best friend.  The remind me of my West Coast home.  And, of course, they are just down right amazing!

Now....don't get me wrong, I have still made some very good decisions.  I have mentioned Fall is my favorite season.  One of my Fall traditions is going to Weber's Farm.  When I would go to Weber's, I would inevitably buy a pumpkin roll.  Yep, an entire pumpkin roll.......and then proceed to eat it in 2 days, with no assistance from anyone else.  Darn you pumpkin.......you are one of my kryptonites! (I have found a solution to fulfill that craving....more later).  When I was hanging out with friends this weekend, they wanted Royal Farms fried chicken.....I know what you are thinking, she must have given in....how can one say no to Royal Farms friend chicken??  Nope, I had 2 boiled eyes and a diet iced tea instead.  So, I am happy to know that I haven't given up completely.  That my choices are more often than not, good ones.  I am also recognizing, more easily, what my pitfalls are and trying to correct them immediately. 

So how am I going to proceed?  I am going to kick myself into gear, tell myself to knock it off and remember the goal.  This is not a diet, every piece of food I put in my mouth is MY choice.  I don't have to take a piece of bread from the bread basket.  I can stay away from the bakery at Wegmans or Weber's Farm.  I can not step foot into the Amish Market so I am not tempted by those devilish pretzels!  I can remember how my body feels when I get my butt to the gym at least 4 times a week. (I did notice a huge difference when I parked at the far end of the parking lot and wasn't winded walking to the store.)  I can remember that the more I change now, the more focused I am on my health now, the easier it will be after surgery.  The safer my surgery will be.  I can get up the 8th time....and do my best not to fall again, and if I do fall.....I will just climb onto a new wagon, because clearly the last wagon wasn't the right one for me!

I have to remember it is okay to be selfish right now.  To focus on me.  I know my true friends and my family will understand that if I don't take care of me now.....their time with me will be shortened.  I have many adventures yet to have......I can't have them if I am dead  and if I remain morbidly obese, that is where I am headed........

So Gretchen Ann, knock it off!  Climb onto the new wagon and know that you have support to help steer you in the right direction!

Random musings......

Soo......a few things have happened the past few days that have been mulling around in my head.

1. Went to Weber's Farm and was so proud of myself because normally I walk away with cider donuts and pumpkin roll.  Well....I walked away with fresh peaches and honey crisps apples.  I also bought a small container of cider because I know I won't be able to have any the rest of the season.  Oh...and in full disclosure, I had a 16oz peach slush......
2. I realized that I tend to have major medical procedures in the Fall.
1. Miscarried on 9.9.02
2. Had a DNC in September 2005
3. Had a DNC in October 2009
4. Had emergency spinal surgery on 9.9.11
5. Expecting to have WLS in October 2016.
3. Fall is my favorite my favorite season.  I love apple picking, cider (warm and cold) hayrides, corn mazes, the crisp air, leaves changing, etc.  Why is it I have so many medical events in the Fall?
4. You just never know who is going to be supportive of your surgery and who isn't.   

Someone I thought was going to be very supportive, told me that she thinks the surgery is a crutch.  My response was, well I am sorry you define the tool I am choosing to regain control over my life as a crutch, but I have worked really hard at changing my relationship with food, incorporating exercise into my daily life and getting my head straight in order to be successful with the tool.  She said, a tool is something you don't need, but it is just helpful to have.  I said, well actually a carpenter can not build without a hammer, a surgeon needs a scalpel or laser to cut, a baseball player needs a bat and ball to do his job, those are all tools of the trade.  Someone with HIV or diabetes needs the medicine they take to continue living life day to day.  Could they do without the tools...sure, but will they be successful without them?  We ended the conversation with agreeing to disagree.  I will never be able to convince people like her that WLS is not an easy option.  She understands it is life altering, literally changing your anatomy, but doesn't seem to grasp why people choose it.  I am a 43 year old woman who has struggled with morbid obesity since I was 15.  I have damaged my metabolism and need the tool to help save my life.



On the other hand, I started talking with a guy from BBWCUPID.com, last September.  We have chatted on and off over the past year and reconnected this past weekend.  I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to tell him about the surgery.  We did meet on a website where the men are looking for larger women.  I didn't want him to invest any time, if in a few months, he wasn't going to be attracted to me.  He, was supportive.  Said, the attraction started because of my size, but he has gotten to know me over the past year and a shell is a shell.  What, a mature guy?  Someone who admits physical attraction is important, but so is being attracted to the person inside the shell?

Anyway......been a weekend of thinking.  As my final appointment approaches, my nerves are starting to increase.  There are times I wish I had made this decision while I was in my 30's, but I also know that I wasn't ready.  Every change I made to my lifestyle felt forced.  Now, I don't feel like I am dieting, I feel like I am choosing to be healthier.  I have said it before, and will say it again.......I am more than happy to have as many people as possible on this ride with me, BUT you have to be supportive.  Honesty is fine, but judgement is not accepted.

Thanks for reading my ramblings!