Journal Challenge # 4: Who is your biggest supporter?

By far, my parents are my biggest supporters!  From the moment I chose to have weight loss surgery, my mom's support didn't falter.  My dad was skeptical and asked me tons of questions, but that's what he does!  AND it was a blessing because it meant I needed to have answers and be an expert in the chose I was making.

My parents live in Boston and I'm in Baltimore.  They re-arranged their schedules to make sure they could be here for the surgery.  They always offer to watch my pup and help me take care of her, EVEN though it is an 8 hour drive for them.

They help pay for my gym memberships and for my bday and Christmas (I had surgery 12.2.16), my gifts were all appropriate for my journey.  I got a Ninja, food saver, hand blender, gift cards to buy clothes, etc.  Even this past year, I had a huge box of protein bars and powders under the tree!

When I go home to visit, they make sure the fridge is packed with good choices.  They ask if their food choices will bother me, if they eat in front of me and give me gentle pushes when I need to get my ass to the gym and to start eating healthier!

I'm a lucky lucky girl to have two parents I get to call friends! 

Journal Challenge # 3: What has been the hardest part of the journey?

 

This quote sums up my struggle!  I am the all in or all out type of gal!  When I chose WLS, I jumped in head first and didn't look to make sure there were no rocks or debris in my way.  So.......I've gotten some bumps and bruises along the way.  THAT'S OKAY!  You know why?  It is from our detours, small injuries, and falls that we learn what works and what doesn't.  

I've dieted my entire life.  From going to Weight Watchers with my mom and then getting pizza afterwards, to going to Diet Center and learning tofu wasn't too horrible if you masked it in bran muffins, because it was the bran that was gross to a 14 year old.  To doing the weird Richard Simmons program where you had cards and had to move them from one side of the portfolio wallet to the other. To talking these crazy horse sized pills from a "health" store and then finally trying Nutrisystem.  Guess what?  They all worked, UNTIL I stopped working the program or current fad.

As I've journeyed through adulthood and struggled with my weight, I've learned one important thing.  It is all about mindset.  It is all about two things:  Changing your mindset and finding support.

Change your word, change your mindset!
It's amazing what your brain can do for your motivation.  I'm not on a diet any longer.  I chose a new lifestyle.  I don't say I can't eat something, I say I'm choosing not to eat that.  I can't stand when people ask me if I'm allowed to have something.  I'm not 2, I'm 45.  I can choose to eat and drink whatever I'd like.  The difference is, I know, NOW, how my body reacts when I choose certain foods.  I NOW know that nope, when it comes to bread and dessert, I have NO will power, so I can't have them in my house. I've learned which foods make me feel strong and healthy and which foods make me feel sick and sluggish.  I now listen to my body and the cues it gives me that my tiny tummy is full.

The other lesson I've learned is that it is all about the people you choose to surround yourself with.  I call it the garden of my life, my tribe, my circle.  Whatever you choose to call it, find them!  Find the people who lift you up, who call you out on your bullshit, who aren't afraid to piss you off because they know your goals and want you to be successful.  Weed those out that sabotage you, encourage you to stray from your path, that just don't understand why you are doing what you are doing.

I'm is so blessed to have the people I do in my inner circle!  My friends Tara, Brian and BJ are my rocks.  They show up when I need them, they question me when I say something, but it doesn't seem authentic, they love me unconditionally even when I'm being crazy and unrealistic.  None of them told me I didn't have a neck before I started this journey, but how does one tell their friend, HEY you are killing yourself AND you no longer have a neck.  Maybe it's time to change something.  My boyfriend, who is 6ft and weights 138lbs and eats like crap, supports me and encourages me. He has no idea what it is like to be overweight, he has never struggled with having to choose what you eat carefully.  He let's me choose where we eat, he asks about my gym schedule and offers to pay so that I don't feel stressed over the cost of being healthy and loves me at the size I was when we met, loves me at the size I am now and just wants me to be happy and healthy.  He says the happier I am, the happier he will be and the happier we can be as a couple.  Your tribe can make or break you, so choose wisely.

Journal Challenge # 2: Favorite Childhood Memory.

Most of my favorite childhood memories involve my grandfather.

My grandfather was one of my favorite people. I used to love going to his house and spending time with him.


Food has always been something that is tied to memory for me.  It's how big Italian families show you they love you.  Sometimes just the smell of something overwhelms me with emotion because of the memories.

My grandfather used to have a stash of Brachs candies in his kitchen cabinet.  My Nana would tell us we could only have 1 piece and only if we did whatever it was she asked us to do.  BUT my Grampie, he adored my sister and me, so we usually go way with lots of stuff.  So, when Nana wasn't looking, Grampie would sneak us as much candy as we wanted.  I see those candies in the stores now, as an adult, and I'm overcome with nostalgia. 

He would also take me to outings at Papa Ginos for pizza.  I thought I was so special when he would let me put a coin in the table side juke box and pick a song.  In my childhood mind, that was the best pizza I've ever tasted.  So, on a trip home, a few years before my weight loss surgery, I asked my mom if we could get some Papa Ginos pizza.  I was so darn excited.  BUT, it was the WORST pizza I had ever had.  Lord have my tastes evolved as I gotten older!  Put I can still smell that pizza and see a storefront and get a little weepy.

I didn't have enough time with my grandfather.  And I'm sitting her a little weepy thinking about conversations I wish I could have with him.  When I found a man that I loved unconditionally, I took him to my grandfather's grave and introduced him.  Thank you Adam for not thinking I was a total nut!!!!  And even now, as Rob and I talk about him coming home with me in July, I have asked him if he would go to the cemetery with me because I need my grandfather to "meet" him.  Again, I'm lucky he doesn't think I need to be locked away for asking him to meet my deceased relative!

When I do make it back to Haverhill, I try to visit my grandfather's grave and I always have a little chat with him.  And if I close my eyes and silence my mind, I can smell his cigar and hear his voice.  He was a great man who left us way too soon!

What is your why?

One of my Facebook groups is doing a journal challenge and I'm super excited about it!  If find I hold myself more accountable when I journal and post it for the world to see!

So, what is my why?

There is a world to see out there! And when I went to Ireland in 2015, I realized that at the size I was, my activities were limited and to be honest, I was probably on the path to get bigger, not smaller at that time.

I know I've talked about it before, but the day we climbed to the top of the Blarney Castle, I realized I was killing myself.  Although I enjoyed it, I stressed the entire way up the staircase because my breathing was severely labored and I had no idea how I was going to fit through the tiny hole at the top.  I was then nervous about having to get on the ground and attempt to lean backwards to kiss the darn Blarney Stone.

I did it, but was really stressed about the entire situation so didn't enjoy it the way I wish I had.

So, that's when I decided something needed to change.  I wanted to live longer so that I could see more of this amazing world.

My next big goal is zip lining over the treetops in Costa Rica.