Well hello nerves.......

So, 6 months ago, I made the decision to take a drastic step towards changing my life.  I started, with the thought that if I changed my mind, at least I spent 6 months with a nutritionist and making positive life changes.  Now the time has come for me to have my final appointment with the surgeon.

At 8am tomorrow morning, I will find out what day Alfred (my stomach), will be reduced by 3/4.

No turning back after that day, can't put Alfred back, once he is gone.

People keep asking me how I am feeling.  My response is always, depends on when you are asking.  I would day 95% of the time, I know this is the right choice for me.  I am 43 and I would really like to live another 50 or so years.  Lots to do out there in the world and I am just starting.  There is still 5% of me that says.......OMG, what the hell are you about to do Gretchen? 

I think I am just ready for the next step on this journey.  I am very excited that Dr. Bello will be giving me another chance at life.  This surgery will help to reset my metabolism, give me an opportunity to change my hunger cues and change my relationship with food forever.  Failure is just not an option.  I deserve this!  I am worth this!  Screw everyone who continues to say, I am cheating and taking the easy way out.

Unless you have been morbidly obese for the majority of your life (or even just struggled with being obese, not just needing to lose 5 or 10 lbs.), then you have no idea how the thought of completely starting over feels. I am still going to have to work hard to make sure my tool is used correctly.  I will still have to be disciplined about what I choose to put in my mouth.  I am going to still have to drag my butt to the gym to get my workouts in.

Easy????  Nope, not a chance.  I wish I had followed my doctor's advice 5 years ago and started this journey.  I already feel better than I have in years, I can do more (like getting up off the floor without struggling). If you had asked me 6 months ago if I thought I would be able to lift over 50lbs of weight on some machines....I would have laughed at you.  I am still in awe each time Liz increases the amount of weights on the machines. 

I think the biggest thing I am nervous about is how I am going to handle the rapid weight loss and dysmorphia I think I am going to experience.  But I have armed myself with an amazing group of people to help me through each step of the way!

If you hear a scream coming from Towson, MD tomorrow.......it is probably just me after finding out my surgery date!