The countdown begins......

Wow.......the last month has flown by!  In just 32 days, Alfredo will be reduced by 2/3.

That means, I have 32 days to buckle down, get some weight off and build up more muscle to make recovery much easier.  This weekend, the darn fun sized candy got the best of me.  It is all out of my house. now, which is a very good thing. 

Tonight, the plan is to go through my fridge and get rid of anything that still lingers that is a no no food.  I have already cleaned out the pantry.

Sometimes, I ask myself, why was I so hesitant to make this decision 5 years ago.  But in all honesty, I just wasn't ready to make the change, to dig my feet in and make the commitment to become healthier.  To choose me over food.  So, now is my time!  Now I get to put myself first. 

I am hoping to be able to drive to MA with my parents and pup after my 1 week follow up appointment.  This way, they don't have to rearrange their schedule and lives for an extended period of time.  I will finish out my medical leave there and then stay through the end of December and work from there.  I am thankful my supervisor was open this arrangement and that I work for a company that values their employees.

 Sometimes in life, we hold on to who we are because it is easier than changing.  But change can be so beautiful, even when it is scary. I keep thinking about one of my favorite childhood books, Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus.  If you haven't read it, do so ASAP.  It is a lesson we could all take to heart.  I have a friend who lives her life to the fullest.  She doesn't have any regrets.  If she wants to do it, she does it.  Her spirit is contagious and inspiring.  She even went to Antarctica with a cast on her leg.

I am excited for my rebirth.  For the moment, I get a second chance at life, a second chance to treat my body with the respect it deserves.  One of my goal gifts is to get a new tattoo.  I think it is either going to be a phoenix or a butterfly.  I love the symbolism of the both. 

So in 32 days and 2 hours, my life will change forever, but change for the better!  Do I feel some fear?  Of course I do.  But I also know, this is the right decision for me.  So, I am going to get back to being diligent with going to the gym and not "cheating" with my food choices.  I am also self imposing at least a 7 day clear liquid diet, even though I am only required to do a 2 day clear liquid diet.  I also am only required to do 2 weeks of starch free, but I am doing 4 weeks instead.  Anything I can do to help make my surgery as successful as possible.

MIA

I had a realization on Friday.  I haven't written a post in about 3 weeks.  When I thought about why, I realized, I haven't been on point as much as I should have been.  Not always choosing the best foods, having alcohol, only going to the gym 2 times a week.

So, I'm back, ready to be accountable to myself and all of you! 

I have been allowing some stresses in my world to derail me and be an excuse.  I realized it was an issue when I ate something this weekend and got a feeling of euphoria.  No seriously, it was like a high.  So, bread, you seriously need to go.  You have no place in my world anymore.  You will not be a drug I put in my body any longer. 

So today, is day one of the rest of my journey.  I will be on the losers bench in 41 days!

Drum roll please.........

On December 2nd at 10:45am, I will be in pre-op waiting for Dr. Bello to remove 2/3 of Alfred (my stomach).  It has been a challenging journey, lots of life changes, but the past 6 months was worth it.  I never thought I would get weight loss surgery, it just wasn't something I thought about.  When I read the studies that came out about the Biggest Loser contestants, that all changed for me.  I knew I had made the right decision when I left the office this morning.  I can't wait to see where the journey continues to take me!

So here it is, 6 months after I began this journey and in 2 months, I will undergo weight loss surgery.

I have set up alarms in my phone for to help me remember and time my vitamin intake.

I have set up reminders to stop taking the medicine that I have to stop taking certain medications.

I need to really look at my calendar and put in for my sick leave.  I work for an amazing company and can do lots of work from home, so I am not worried about the time away being approved.

I have updated the pages on the blog to include a sample vitamin and medication schedule, what meds I have to stop and when, what meds I will have to take after surgery.

Tomorrow I will call my PCP and schedule my pre-op appointment.  Then I just have to wait to hear that insurance has approved!

Phew........2 months to finalize everything!

Well hello nerves.......

So, 6 months ago, I made the decision to take a drastic step towards changing my life.  I started, with the thought that if I changed my mind, at least I spent 6 months with a nutritionist and making positive life changes.  Now the time has come for me to have my final appointment with the surgeon.

At 8am tomorrow morning, I will find out what day Alfred (my stomach), will be reduced by 3/4.

No turning back after that day, can't put Alfred back, once he is gone.

People keep asking me how I am feeling.  My response is always, depends on when you are asking.  I would day 95% of the time, I know this is the right choice for me.  I am 43 and I would really like to live another 50 or so years.  Lots to do out there in the world and I am just starting.  There is still 5% of me that says.......OMG, what the hell are you about to do Gretchen? 

I think I am just ready for the next step on this journey.  I am very excited that Dr. Bello will be giving me another chance at life.  This surgery will help to reset my metabolism, give me an opportunity to change my hunger cues and change my relationship with food forever.  Failure is just not an option.  I deserve this!  I am worth this!  Screw everyone who continues to say, I am cheating and taking the easy way out.

Unless you have been morbidly obese for the majority of your life (or even just struggled with being obese, not just needing to lose 5 or 10 lbs.), then you have no idea how the thought of completely starting over feels. I am still going to have to work hard to make sure my tool is used correctly.  I will still have to be disciplined about what I choose to put in my mouth.  I am going to still have to drag my butt to the gym to get my workouts in.

Easy????  Nope, not a chance.  I wish I had followed my doctor's advice 5 years ago and started this journey.  I already feel better than I have in years, I can do more (like getting up off the floor without struggling). If you had asked me 6 months ago if I thought I would be able to lift over 50lbs of weight on some machines....I would have laughed at you.  I am still in awe each time Liz increases the amount of weights on the machines. 

I think the biggest thing I am nervous about is how I am going to handle the rapid weight loss and dysmorphia I think I am going to experience.  But I have armed myself with an amazing group of people to help me through each step of the way!

If you hear a scream coming from Towson, MD tomorrow.......it is probably just me after finding out my surgery date!