Reflections from a year of challenge and growth

Never in my life did I think I would leave to see what 2020 had to offer!  

We should all congratulate ourselves for surviving the past year!  No seriously, stop reading and do that right now!  

The year started with wild fires destroying a large portion of the Australian outback and then move moved on from there.....

We were on the brink of war with Iran, Brexit happened, Harry and Megan renounced the monarchy and moved to the US, a worldwide pandemic, Democratic primary, polarization of races triggered by the death of George Floyd, we binged The Tiger King, Zoom became the way we communicated for work, with family and socially, tik tok became controversial and don't forget the good ole presidential election!

Phew.....

Many parents became teachers, teachers struggled to keep kids engaged while learning to teach remotely, people had to adapt to working from home and many picked up a new hobby and learned to bake bread!  

Like many, I had a few breakdowns, some more intense than others and a few that lasted several weeks.  I contracted COVID-19 (even though I was crazy careful) and was sick for a good 6 weeks.  I have just started to feel more like myself.  My depression was so bad, that I had withdrew from everyone.  I'm thankful for the friends that persisted and reached out to make sure I was okay.  I wasn't AND for the 1st time in my life, I was able to admit I wasn't okay.  That is tough for me.  I hold everything together for everyone else and normally suffer in silence.

Many positive things came out of COVID-19 (for me anyway).

I lost all the regain I have had over the past 2 years, I took control of my health (mental and physical), I moved forward with having a revision from the gastric sleeve to the gastric bypass (which has resulted in 22lbs lost in a month, NO reflux AND I'm sleeping better than I have in 2 years), I purged my 5 closets and 3 dressers (boy is Savers in for a good haul!) and have maintained the organization I implemented.  (That is a huge feat for me because I hate folding and putting laundry away!).

I have learned who are true friends and who are friends that are just around for the good times.  I started a business with a friend and the same business has ended just a few short months after it started.  My wine business suffered, but I was still able to maintain active status ALL but 1 month since March.  My sister and I have grown closer and talk or text almost daily.  But my poor pup has formed separation anxiety.  

I am learning about my co-dependent tendencies and actively working to change those ways.  It isn't always comfortable, but I realize that I will never maintain weight loss until I figure out why I continue to sabotage myself.  Why am I hiding behind the weight?  What am I afraid of?  

I know not everyone will continue on my journey with me, and that is okay.  I am thankful for the role that everyone has played, even if it is just a cameo and not a reoccurring role.  Some will understand that it isn't persona, but that I have to choose me and others will not.  But I am letting go of relationships that are unbalanced.  Relationships where one person is giving more than the other (sometimes that person is me and sometimes I am the person taking more than I am giving).  I am seeking healthy, balanced relationships that are non toxic.

I know this post is a tad all over the place, but so is are my thoughts!  I have lots going on up there and lots to work through.

I hope everyone is able to look back on 2020 and find some value in their experiences and then move into 2021 with an open mind and heart.