Comfort versus Nuture

 Do you know the difference between comforting somone/something and nurturing them?

This is something that I think most of us don't always stop and think about and the result is us being stuck.

We begin to not know the difference, or at least that is true for me.  I have begun to accept comforting words as an acceptable way for someone to reassure me.  Guess what, words are just that, without any action behind them, they don't nurture me in any way.  The words are a bandaide to a larger problem that I allow myself to continue to ignore.

NO more............

Words will no tide me over; actions will be the only way I judge the strength of a relationship.  This includes the crap I do to comfort myself, instead of nuture myself.  Does a brownie, cookie, attention from a man, etc bring me comfort....YEP, just not long term.  I've been working really hard at recognizing which behaviors give me a bump in comfort but causes me to have self doubt afterwards.

I am intuitive and my gut is NEVER wrong.  I have been much more intentional about sitting in silence before I make a decision.  I'm allowing myself to truly listen to my body.  If it gives me pause and makes me uncofortmable, it isn't worth the short lived comfort I would receive.  BUT when I nurture myself, do things that help me grow, provide me emotional stability, I feel fulfilled.  In those moments and behaviors, I feel worthy, I feel authentic.

It is scary when we start to strip away the "ick" and become authentic.  Why is it scary? For me it is because I am becoming more vulnerable.  I'm not hiding behind my weight and co-dependency.  I'm showing people my true self and that is always scary.  What if they don't like me?  But guess what?  I no longer want relationships that are built on false connections.  I no longer want to have friendships that are not authentic.  That isn't fair to me or the other person.  I'm far from truly feeling like I am enough just because I am me, BUT I am working on it.  EVERY single day I work on it.  It's hard work.  But in order to sustain this weight loss and head closer to my goal, it is necessary for me to confront my insecurities.  I need to remind myself that I am perfectly imperfect and that is more than okay!

Looking for ways to nuture yourself?  Check these out......the food options are not options for me because..well obesity and food addiction.  BUT I have recently volunteered with lasagna love and can't wait to provide some home cooked meals for families.  I have currently committed to making 3 meals a month and got my 1st 3 matches just today.

Love and nuture yourself......everyone around you will be better off because of it!

A message to the fixers.......

So........I am a fixer! Always have been, will most likely always be! But, this post showed up on my FB memories (from 2016) just when I needed a reminder that I need to only surround myself with people who recognize, I am there for them, but I need them to be there for me too! Funny how when you are in tune and working on being aligned, you notice patterns. If you know me (like really know me), then you know The Celestine Prophecy is something that resonates with me and is at the center of my core being. James Redfield highlights the power of messages that arrive in groups of 3. I have mentioned, in previous blog posts, that starting in April, I really took a deep dive into depression. I am a pretty darn good swimmer, but boy oh boy was I struggling with even treading water and/or keeping my head above water, even in the shallow end of the "pool". 

Part of my health journey (physical and mental)has been recognizing my part in unbalanced relationships and work towards either finding a balance or being willing and able to walk away from

that will never be balanced. Phew, it is tough to own your crap! In some ways, being a fixer is selfish and egotistical. Who am I to think I can "fix" someone OR better yet, who am I to say they need fixing?????

This article resonnated with me in many ways! 

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/a-message-to-the-fixers/?fbclid=IwAR1FfYLbdpxQqb82W17K2L0tPytlqqgtaBEmIZ-QBQXhuiDIHxRy5TpoyRY

Yesterday was tough for me.  When you realize that the people you have made a priority, the ones you adjust your schedule, make adjustments and drop eveything to be there for them when they ask, are the very same people who just don't respect you enough to reciprocate.  Some of those people are people that you have known for years (a lifetime even) and others are people who have recently entered your world.  I spend a great part of the day crying. That is hard for me.  To let the emotions bubble up and to let my body feel and react in the moment was a triumph for me.  I usually stuff those emotions down (and it used to be with food or attention seeking).  

It is "funny" how when you decide to sit in the discomfort of pain, you can learn so much. I'm so busy always "fixing" others that people don't recognize when I need the shoulder to cry on, the support to keep walking forward or a hand to help me pull my head above water.  I have taught people that I am strong enough to handle their stuff and mine.  That disrespect and taking advantage of me is okay and accepted.  So when I stop that behavior, address it, tell them how I feel, all of a sudden they become defensive.  My feelings become ignored and dismissed.  Changing the dynamic of a relationship isn't easy.  It takes both people being okay with the change.  I am in the stage of recognizing that not everyone is going to be okay with me taking care of myself.

I will have to mourn those relationships.  Acknowledge the good parts, say goodbye to the not so good parts and own my party in the demise of the relationship.  (darn healthy adulting).

My "island" feels bigger now.  The life rafts that were tethered to the water's edge have been releases slowly and some of the island inhabitants have moved on to find a new home.  AND THAT IS OK!  It sucks, it's painful, but necessary to continue becoming a healthier more balanced being.

So please be patient with me as I navigate this new attitude, this new Gretchen.  The one who recognizes and acknowledges her value and demands that those who choose to be part of her life, see those things as well.