So after allowing myself to make excuse after excuse as to why I couldn't make myself and health a priority, I'm back to loving myself enough! I started doing semi private training again and it's exactly what I needed!
If I want to live a lifestyle that I'm able to maintain, that means making sure I get my work outs in so that I can occasionally eat my favorites!
Liz rocks! She knows how to push you out of your comfort zone, but does it with compassion. She has been helping me change my body for almost 2 years and I'm so glad to have her as part of my journey. She has become not only my trainer, but I consider her my friend.
Yesterday was a pretty strange day. I had a weird dating experience. A friend set me up with her friend and co-worker. He and I have hit it off, planned our first date and then, out of the blue, she started telling me she had a crush on him. Okay, a crush, I get it. This guy is sweet, understanding, caring and is a great friend to her. A crush is normal when your world is crumbling and someone pays attention to you. Her marriage is a mess, her husband has lied, incurred debt she didn't know about and things just aren't good. My heart is breaking for her. I can't even imagine! BUT, she is the one who set this guy up with me. She said she wanted both of us to be happy and thought we would hit it off. She was right. He checks ALL the boxes. Well, in the middle of our conversation, she says "I'm such a terrible friend, I set you up with the guy I'm in LOVE with!" WHAT?????? Who does that? So I told Dave he needed to talk with her. I told him about my conversation with her and I thought they needed to work out some stuff. So, he did. Now his head is spinning and I kinda feel like I'm being cat-fished. Are cameras following me and I don't know it?? So, looks like I'll be moving on from that situation. Not my circus, not my monkies. I DON'T NEED DRAMA!
Then Rob and I argued because he doesn't want me to date or have sex with anyone. I asked why, he said because he doesn't. I told him I didn't get it. He says he wants me to be happy, he doesn't seem to want me as his girlfriend or to be in a relationship with me, but yet, doesn't want anyone else to have me. I called him selfish; he said it isn't black and white, that it isn't as simple as me saying he clearly doesn't want me. I get that things are gray and that he loves me, but love isn't enough. My needs aren't being met. I felt like a secret and that he was hiding something, which is why I said it was time for a break. To me it is simple, you love me enough to work out the issues and then ask me to come back or you don't. But don't be selfish and ask me to sit idly by while you make that happen.
So, after that day, I still dragged my big butt to the gym. And tried a new machine........AND laughed the entire time I used it. It was said that with all the dating I've done and am doing, that I should be good at the thigh machine. Yep...how can you not laugh. So now that machine is called the sex machine. I felt a little like Susan Sommers with her thigh master! Thanks for the laugh ladies, I needed it! This is why I keep coming back. I don't enjoy the gym. I don't hate it as much as I used to and my body recovers quicker, but I don't enjoy it. It's the people, the support and the results.
So, if you are struggling, find a group of like minded people, get your butt connected and fight through the walls you set up for yourself. Just do it!
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