Dear On-Line Dating Scammer.........

I've been toying around the idea of writing a book about my online dating stories.

There would be chapters like: You're Beautiful My Dear, Now that I'm widowed raising my kids alone, Bridge Building in Africa, I'm a God fearing man, etc.

You just never know who is sitting on the other side of the computer screen. Are they really who they say they are and how do you find out?  It's a real problem, if it wasn't, there wouldn't be an entire show called Catfish and Dr. Phil would have tons of episodes where he hires people to head to Nigeria and other parts of the world to do some investigative journalism.

In a world where we rely on social media, people seem to have less ability to communicate face to face and people are desperate to feel loved and accepted, it only stands to reason, that scammers have it easy.

So you may wonder, how to navigate.  Don't come across as too eager.  Make them work for it. Don't give out so much information about you at first.  Make them send you pictures of things like giving you the peace sign or them holding a newspaper with the date on it for that day. I know upload all pictures into Google images to see if it pops up.  If they are stealing photos, it will most likely be from Facebook or Instagram, you can then contact the person and ask if they have been communicating with you.  If they tell you they are from the US, especially after you have told them your location, then RUN and BLOCK.  This morning, I had a guy say he was from The US Maryland Baltimore.  HUH?? Anytime they address you as dear or pretty, RUN.  If you tell them you like something and they quickly say they like it too and that happens on everything you disclose, RUN.

Check out some of these sites:

https://romancescamsnow.com/scammer-albums-lists/
https://www.stop-scammers.com/
http://www.insiderinternetdating.com/blog/internet-dating-tips/busted-the-worst-online-dating-site-scams/
http://datescammer.blogspot.com/



We all want to be loved and people who are dishonest learn to say the right words.  Don't rush things. Flirt, get to know the person, make sure to meet up quickly, we don't want pen pals, we want a dating partner.

Remember if it sounds too good to be true, then it most likely is.  Respect yourself enough to be cautious and discerning.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a Dr. Phil episode or a story on Dateline.

Back in the Saddle......After a really weird day!

 

So after allowing myself to make excuse after excuse as to why I couldn't make myself and health a priority, I'm back to loving myself enough!  I started doing semi private training again and it's exactly what I needed!

If I want to live a lifestyle that I'm able to maintain, that means making sure I get my work outs in so that I can occasionally eat my favorites!

Liz rocks!  She knows how to push you out of your comfort zone, but does it with compassion.  She has been helping me change my body for almost 2 years and I'm so glad to have her as part of my journey.  She has become not only my trainer, but I consider her my friend.

Yesterday was a pretty strange day.  I had a weird dating experience.  A friend set me up with her friend and co-worker.  He and I have hit it off, planned our first date and then, out of the blue, she started telling me she had a crush on him.  Okay, a crush, I get it.  This guy is sweet, understanding, caring and is a great friend to her.  A crush is normal when your world is crumbling and someone pays attention to you.  Her marriage is a mess, her husband has lied, incurred debt she didn't know about and things just aren't good.  My heart is breaking for her.  I can't even imagine!  BUT, she is the one who set this guy up with me.  She said she wanted both of us to be happy and thought we would hit it off.  She was right.  He checks ALL the boxes.  Well, in the middle of our conversation, she says "I'm such a terrible friend, I set you up with the guy I'm in LOVE with!"  WHAT??????  Who does that?  So I told Dave he needed to talk with her.  I told him about my conversation with her and I thought they needed to work out some stuff.  So, he did.  Now his head is spinning and I kinda feel like I'm being cat-fished.  Are cameras following me and I don't know it??  So, looks like I'll be moving on from that situation.  Not my circus, not my monkies.  I DON'T NEED DRAMA!

Then Rob and I argued because he doesn't want me to date or have sex with anyone.  I asked why, he said because he doesn't.  I told him I didn't get it.  He says he wants me to be happy, he doesn't seem to want me as his girlfriend or to be in a relationship with me, but yet, doesn't want anyone else to have me.  I called him selfish; he said it isn't black and white, that it isn't as simple as me saying he clearly doesn't want me.  I get that things are gray and that he loves me, but love isn't enough.  My needs aren't being met. I felt like a secret and that he was hiding something, which is why I said it was time for a break. To me it is simple, you love me enough to work out the issues and then ask me to come back or you don't.  But don't be selfish and ask me to sit idly by while you make that happen.

So, after that day, I still dragged my big butt to the gym. And tried a new machine........AND laughed the entire time I used it.  It was said that with all the dating I've done and am doing, that I should be good at the thigh machine.  Yep...how can you not laugh.  So now that machine is called the sex machine.  I felt a little like Susan Sommers with her thigh master!  Thanks for the laugh ladies, I needed it!  This is why I keep coming back.  I don't enjoy the gym.  I don't hate it as much as I used to and my body recovers quicker, but I don't enjoy it.  It's the people, the support and the results.

 

So, if you are struggling, find a group of like minded people, get your butt connected and fight through the walls you set up for yourself. Just do it! 

Boundary Dance

I suck at making and keeping boundaries.  Especially when my heart is so attached! But what I've learned over the past 15 months, is that I deserve to ask for and receive what I want and need.  If you can't meet those needs, THAT'S OKAY, BUT know that I then have the right to choose if I stay or go.

 

I'm a fixer; a counselor by nature. And when I love, I love 110%, I'm all in.  But in the past, I was never all out when it was time to move on.  I tried to maintain the friendship portion of a romantic relationship and tried to stay acquaintances with platonic relationships that should just end.  

 

Not this time, I need to do what's best for me. It hurts too much to be friends with Rob.  And that SUCKS, because he is my best friend.  He is the one I want to share everything with.  He says, that he feels the same, but how is that possible when you won't share your family and friends.  If I was your best friend, if you wanted this relationship, it wouldn't be a question.  You would be including me.  

It's been a week since the decision was made for us to not be together.  We agreed, we were open to it being just a break so he could really work on some things. That means, no daily calls, that means no checking in, that means not knowing what's happening in each other's worlds.  Here's the problem.  We haven't had the boundary talk.  We have only danced around the subject.  I get it, neither of us want to walk away, but I NEED to.  Not because I don't love him, not because I think he doesn't love me, but because it hurts.  I just hurts to maintain the friendship piece.  That was not something I could verbalize to someone 13 years ago, but I am a different person now.  I love myself more and I deserve someone who wants everyone to know I'm theirs.

Am I still open to revisiting the relationship in the future?  ABSOLUTELY!  It's what I want, BUT in order for that to happen, he has to meet 3 criteria.  He knows what they are and says that he is working towards that, but he has to do the work.  He has to want us enough to make the changes.  And again, it will suck and hurt if he doesn't, but it isn't my job to fix him.  It isn't my job to reassure him. It isn't my job to bend and bend and bend until the relationship looks like he needs it to.

I don't want a life without him in it, but we don't always get what we want.  We sometimes get what we need.  That is the harsh reality of adulting.

He was supposed to be my end game.  He drove the bus in the relationship.  He brought up marriage and family.  I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him, but I did.  And for those of you that know me, this one hurts more than when I had to let go of a relationship that helped shape me to who I am.  A relationship that helped me get through some tough times when I lived in San Francisco.  This one stings like I didn't realize it could.  But the pain lets me know, it was real.  The pain lets me know that I fought until I just couldn't fight anymore.

I told Rob that I want him to miss me enough to work on getting me back. But until then, I have to live my life and protect my heart.  So, moving forward.  Guess you can look forward to funny online dating posts again!