Love yourself enough to not settle!

 

It has been a sad morning for me.  14 months ago, I would have made a beeline for Cheesecake Factory for for Friendly's for a huge sundae.

On April 28, 2017, my world was turned upside down, when I met a guy.  Before we met, I was really happy being single.  NO REALLY!  I was finally in love with myself.  Really proud of the decisions I had made and the journey I had chosen.

When we met, I thought, why not now?  The dating relationship turned quickly into a committed relationship and I was over the moon in love with this man.  He challenged me more than anyone ever has.  It hasn't been the easiest 10 months, but I don't regret a single minute of it.  I've learned so much about myself.  I have learned that I'm stronger than I have ever been, that I'm not willing to settle for less than what I deserve.

I learned that I'm okay with compromising, but I'm not okay with always sacrificing. Relationships are supposed to be give and take.  I just won't continue to live without my basic relationship needs being met. I love him, but I love myself more.

So today, when he mentioned that his sister told him she doesn't think he is ready for a relationship, we were actually able to have an honest conversation.  It was a good conversation. Sad, for sure, but I'm OKAY.  I love him too much to not walk away.  If he isn't happy in the relationship, he should be in it.  If he can't incorporate me into his day to day, then he can't meet my needs.  He says he doesn't know what he wants, my response was, yes you do, you just don't want to hurt me.

I told him that he clearly needed time apart to figure out if he is even able to give me what I need.  And if he can't, THAT'S OKAY!  But that means, actually taking time apart.  I won't live with one foot in the relationship and one foot out.  I'm either all in or all out!

I've only felt this kind of heart break one other time.  It took me YEARS to find all the pieces and put myself back together.  The difference is, I'm whole already, I'm just a little bruised now.  This hurts, I'd be lying if I said it didn't.  I'm losing my love and my best friend.  But sometimes you need space to see the entire picture.

So my heart is broken a bit, but I'm OKAY! I need to use this sad energy to dive head first back into my weight loss journey.