NSV: Smaller Gowns

I had my annual mammogram on Friday and guess what????

I was able to fit into the normal sized gown!!  It's the little things in life!!

Love yourself enough to not settle!

 

It has been a sad morning for me.  14 months ago, I would have made a beeline for Cheesecake Factory for for Friendly's for a huge sundae.

On April 28, 2017, my world was turned upside down, when I met a guy.  Before we met, I was really happy being single.  NO REALLY!  I was finally in love with myself.  Really proud of the decisions I had made and the journey I had chosen.

When we met, I thought, why not now?  The dating relationship turned quickly into a committed relationship and I was over the moon in love with this man.  He challenged me more than anyone ever has.  It hasn't been the easiest 10 months, but I don't regret a single minute of it.  I've learned so much about myself.  I have learned that I'm stronger than I have ever been, that I'm not willing to settle for less than what I deserve.

I learned that I'm okay with compromising, but I'm not okay with always sacrificing. Relationships are supposed to be give and take.  I just won't continue to live without my basic relationship needs being met. I love him, but I love myself more.

So today, when he mentioned that his sister told him she doesn't think he is ready for a relationship, we were actually able to have an honest conversation.  It was a good conversation. Sad, for sure, but I'm OKAY.  I love him too much to not walk away.  If he isn't happy in the relationship, he should be in it.  If he can't incorporate me into his day to day, then he can't meet my needs.  He says he doesn't know what he wants, my response was, yes you do, you just don't want to hurt me.

I told him that he clearly needed time apart to figure out if he is even able to give me what I need.  And if he can't, THAT'S OKAY!  But that means, actually taking time apart.  I won't live with one foot in the relationship and one foot out.  I'm either all in or all out!

I've only felt this kind of heart break one other time.  It took me YEARS to find all the pieces and put myself back together.  The difference is, I'm whole already, I'm just a little bruised now.  This hurts, I'd be lying if I said it didn't.  I'm losing my love and my best friend.  But sometimes you need space to see the entire picture.

So my heart is broken a bit, but I'm OKAY! I need to use this sad energy to dive head first back into my weight loss journey.

NSV: Flying

A year ago, I flew for the first time since surgery.  At that time, I could, tightly buckle the seat belt, but it was uncomfortable and I had to suck it in!

On January 29th, I had to fly to Birmingham for work, and I was able to not only buckle the belt, BUT there was some slack!!!  Oh happy day!!

One of the first blogs I wrote was about my embarrassing experience on a plane.  It is so uncomfortable and embarrassing when you have people staring at you and giving you looks because of your size. NOT ANY MORE!!  This girl can even put the seat tray down.

 I also took the time and rode a carousel.  I haven't done that in over 13 years and the last time I did, I sat in one of the bench seats, because I was nervous that the horse wouldn't function the way it was supposed.

Finally,  I got to see the difference between where I was a year ago (just 2 months out of surgery) and where I am now!  It's always fun to do comparison pics.  Most of the people at the meeting hadn't seen me in a year.  It was a bit overwhelming to have so many people comment on my change, but it was always humbling.  I've worked hard, but not as hard as I could be working.  So, if I want to wow them even more next year, this girl has to get her butt in