Time Flies

Wow.....Friday, will be 8 weeks since surgery.  It is crazy to think about!  I had my 8 week follow up yesterday.  My surgeon is thrilled.  I wish I could have captured the reaction on his face, when he looked at my weight loss numbers.  He raised his eyebrows and said "Wow, you are really dropping some weight. You will never be in the 400's again." I said, no I will not!  I asked him to give me a goal and he said he doesn't do that.  His goal for me is to have a healthy relationship with food and an active lifestyle.  To change my behaviors so that I am living a longer life.  He did tell me that on average, someone with my starting weight and my age, should lose about 145lbs, just from the surgery.  That is just crazy....means at a minimum, I should reach 235 by next year!  What????

He then went on to say, there were three possible scenarios.  Scenario #1: I will do great.  He has seen people larger than me, that are now running marathons.  Scenario #2: I will do good, meet the average.  Scenario #3: I will do poorly.  I quickly responded and I said #3 is NOT an option.  I didn't have major surgery to help with my morbid obesity, just to fail.  He said, he was really happy to hear that.

I hate weighing on different scales, and I hate weighing with my clothes on!  I have decided that as long as the scale is moving in the right direction, the # isn't going to matter to me.  Sometimes you have to see the difference, side by side.


I am back in a routine at the gym and I just ordered a new bathing suit, so my ass can get in the pool again!  I am determined to work out 5 days in the gym and the other 2 days, being mindful about activity

My next step is to create rewards for scale goals I meet.  When I lose 13 more pounds (will mean 50lbs since surgery), I am going to buy a piece of jewelry from dune jewelry.  They actually have sand from Southbeach at Eckerd College! I think this is the piece I am going to purchase. https://dunejewelry.com/collections/classic-dune/sandbar-necklace-on-long-chain. My next scale goal is to be a 299.  That means, I will have lost 81 lbs since surgery and I am only 44lbs away from that goal.  I am hoping to reach this goal by my 6 month appointment on May 24th.  dune jewelry also has dirt from the infields of ball parks.  So my next reward will be purchasing a charm from one of the ball parks I have visited.  I already have a charm made from dirt from Fenway.  My 100lb weight loss goal is to book a trip with all my friends that have supported me along the way.  I am thinking it will be a cruise to the southern Caribbean islands, out of Puerto Rico.

No matter what happens next.......all I know is, there is no looking back!  Some people use the butterfly as a symbol of their change and rebirth.  For me, it is the Phoenix!  When I am close to goal.  I will get a Phoenix tattoo....don't know where on my body and it may actually wait until after I do any plastic surgery I am opt for.

Why support is so important

I have mentioned, on several occasions, that I am one lucky girl!  I have worked hard to surround myself with people who support me, but don't enable me.  My friends, call me on my bullshit and celebrate my victories.  They let me cry, laugh with me, plot with me, go on adventures with me and love me unconditionally (even when I do stupid things). 

Through this journey, I have been lucky to find a new family, a group of people who live this journey everyday.  The reason I chose the COMP program at GBMC, was because the surgeons there, believe that success happens when there is a support system in place.  Once a month a group of WLS patients come together to talk about the new lives with have, how to navigate tough situations and fight urges that helped us to become morbidly obese.  We share resources and stories.  It is a group that supports, but also holds each other accountable. 

I was able to give someone the extra Atkins Lift water I had as well as some protein powder that I purchased, but didn't enjoy.  I will be giving someone else the vitamins I purchased, but make me nauseous, because she is able to tolerate them.  Another woman, shared her calcium chews with me, and it allowed me to figure out, I would be able to tolerate them, so that I can be more compliant with taking my vitamins and calcium.

This support group has become a group of people I lean on, ask questions to and look towards for information as I continue on this journey.  We are all in different stages of the journey and are able to share with each other our personal experiences.

I am so glad to be able to expand my circle of friends, while maintaining relationships with those that have supported me all along.

I hope you all have friends, that send you sweet gifts, to let you know how proud you are.  Have friends, that see a post on Facebook and send you a random text that says: "I am so proud of you".  Friends who are willing to forego your "normal" meet ups, to do something a little healthier, than indulging in alcohol and food. Friends who are not a part of your day to day, but you know, you are in their mind and heart as you travel on your path.

I am a lucky girl and know it!  Thank you to all of you who stuck with through my journey and welcome to my world, for those of you who have allowed me to share this journey with you!

Little victories

Matt Nathanson is one of my favorite musicians and his song Little Victories is a favorite and right now, rings especially true for me.  This journey I have chosen, is not for the faint of heart!  It is hard, there are days I cry and am frustrated that the scale hasn't moved the way I thought it would.  There are days, I look in the mirror and think, damn, the inches are melting off.

I have some great people in my world, that remind me to focus on the little victories. To focus on the fact that, today I am smaller than I have been since college.  That I have gone from a size 32 pant to having a size 24 be too loose (come on waist, I need to fit into a 22, so my pants stay on).  That some of my favorite shirts are now fitting my arms and chest better than they have in years.  That I don't get winded walking 7 buildings to work in the morning.  That I no longer need a bra extender for my cute bras (why the hell don't they make cuter bras for bit women?  You make the damn cup size, but not the band size....that is another tangent for another day!

I am a pretty confident person, to begin with, but my confidence has soared.  I fit into chairs better, my seat belt fits differently, and I have had to adjust my driver's seat to accommodate for the lost inches. I have been sharing my journey more and more with people.  Especially when I have been going on dates with.  I figure, it is part of me, I will be dropping weight, I can't eat large portions (still barely getting in 1/2 at a time and sure can't eat 3oz of meat yet, so if they want to be in my life.......this is a HUGE part of it.  An alarm will go off on my phone all day, reminding me to take a vitamin, to drink or to eat.  If they aren't comfortable with it....they should be able to make a decision early on. 

It is great to see someone, that I haven't seen since the beginning of the journey and watch their reaction.  You don't always see the changes, so it is nice when others do!

Today, I reached my first scale goal.  I HATE not being able to be weighed at the doctor's office.  It is embarrassing and doesn't keep me honest.  I could have told her any weight over 350 and she would have had to take my word for it.  Now, when I see her in February, she will be able to weigh me.  I know I will cry, because this is huge!  I am starting to "fit" into the real world.  The world that isn't made for morbidly obese people.  The world that seems to have forgotten that the US has a huge obesity problem!

I am down 69lbs from the beginning of my journey in April, 23 since surgery.  I have lost 28 inches since June 29, 2016, with the biggest change being in my abdomen!  Stomach fat is what kills people!  I started back in the gym this week, and my body feels it.  But I NEED routine, I need to be pushed, I need to know I am not sitting back and letting the surgery do all the work.  I need to take control of my journey, of my life.  For the first time in my adult life, I don't feel like I am on a diet.  I feel like I have finally decided to make healthy choices.  I can eat whatever I want, but I choose to put food that is packed with nutrients into my body.

Thought I would share my inches now, still not pretty, but they are moving in the right direction (for once)!  Yep, 9.5 inches down since November 30th!

I have also signed up for the Sleek and Sassy Exclusive program through Sleek and Sassy Nutrition.  Check her out!  She has some great recipes and her coaching is so affordable.  http://www.sleekandsassynutrition.com/  She is also hosting a retreat in AZ in October.

Even though, this journey is harder than I ever imagined (AND I did a crap load of research and prep), it is a journey that I am so happy I had the courage to jump into. Thanks for taking the ride with me!